Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac?

Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (Full Version)

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purplepearl -> Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (8/2/2008 5:02:03 PM)
I am in a quandary: am I using Christ as "Prozac" instead of accepting the reality of my situation? I have been married for 6 years and my husband and I have been together for 10 years. From my perspective I had an absolutely wonderful marriage and my husband was a very spiritual man. He NEVER told me that he was unhappy with our marriage. In fact, we were planning on going on vacation and having a baby! About a month after finding out that we were pregnant, my husband left me for another woman. Around 4.5 months into my pregnancy I learned that my baby was very ill and may not live through delivery (my baby did but will have many serious surgeries in the future). My husband never came back and this was 1.5 years ago, though we talk all the time and he visits our baby regularly. My husband and his mistress met 6 weeks before I found out and they have been living together ever since I found out. I filed for divorce a year ago and he never responded. He has told me that he loves me more than he could ever love someone and that I am the most amazing person he has ever met but that he never came back because he knew he would do it again. He said that before we started dating seriously he had a problem with pornography but after accepting Christ as his savior, he was able to give it up. The stress of work created an atmosphere for him to get back into this addiction which ultimately lead to the affair - he says, "the demons have been unleashed." He says he doesn't know why he had the affair and therefore he can't re-commit to me because he will just do it again. He has admitted to me that he does care for his mistress a lot. For the last year and a half I have been steady in my faith-walk truly believing that Christ will resurrect this marriage. I have lifted my husband up in prayer and have believed that the Holy Spirit will convict my husband and that he will return to his family after being humbled. In the mean time I have taken this experience as an opportunity for Christ to shape me into the person He desires me to be. I have been in counseling since the beginning and fellowshipping with my friends at church. I have had an incredible support team through all of this. I have really sought the Lord to change me and he has! Unfortunately, I am afraid that it has been so long since he left that I have really not "accepted" what is happening to me. I am afraid that I have so trusted that Christ would/could resurrect this marriage that I have been "drugging" myself and not really accepting the fact that this marriage is over. He has given me absolutely no reason to think it is anything but over. Throughout this time, however, I have felt Christ asking me to stay committed. He brought me Hosea 3:1 on numerous occasions. Have I been "using" God to distract me from my reality????

shadowspring -> RE: Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (8/2/2008 7:44:30 PM)
You will find many posters on these forums who believe that a marriage is never really over, divorce decree or not. Some think that you should remain committed to your vows forever, regardless of what your husband does. Others would say get the divorce and move on. You have clear Biblical grounds. As far as the Prozac theory, I have never heard that before-LOL! I can only tell you for me, I would never remarry so it would be a moot point, except that I would want child support and alimony if I was entitled. I think in some states you can get that with legal separation without divorce. I am so sorry you married an unworthy man.

grace4theday -> RE: Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (8/2/2008 11:23:26 PM)
As a woman who also continues to stand by her husband in the worst of circumstances I can relate to some of the things that you are feeling. I am however on the other side of the situation where he has come back home. So know that there is always hope. One thing that I will say that truly helped me through my darkest of nights is if you completely take the focus off of him and what is going on with him and just focus on you and your relationship with God, God has a way of leading your right where you should be and healing you from the inside out so that even if the marriage comes to an end you are ready and able to move on and and truly walk in forgiveness. There was a point in my marriage that he would hound me daily for divorce papers and it got really crazy. Then one day he called and said he was sorry and that he wanted to come home. God heals our marriage more and more everyday. Somedays are good. Some not so good. But as long as I stay in the will of God and seek Him daily, he truly does give me the grace to stand. Don't give up on yourself and be still until God gives you direction. He won't ever lead you astray. Keep yourself busy and keep the focus on you and off of you husband. Praying for you pm me if you ever need to talk

TMeeks -> RE: Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (8/4/2008 12:00:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: purplepearl About a month after finding out that we were pregnant, my husband left me for another woman. ... My husband never came back and this was 1.5 years ago, though we talk all the time and he visits our baby regularly. ... He has told me that he loves me more than he could ever love someone and that I am the most amazing person he has ever met but that he never came back because he knew he would do it again. ... He says he doesn't know why he had the affair and therefore he can't re-commit to me because he will just do it again. He has admitted to me that he does care for his mistress a lot. One of the reasons Christ was always in trouble with the religious rulers was that they put their focus on the letter of the law while He focused on the reasons BEHIND the letter of the Law. Why does God say, "I hate divorce?" Why did Paul write what he did about marriage? For the Christian, the 'Why' begins by understanding that there is something special in each genuine Christian and that is the Holy Spirit. So, to me the 'Why' is clearly because marriage is meant to be the vehicle where a man can bring God's love to a woman and a woman can bring God's love to a man. We are meant to be blessings to each other. But, listen to the man you married and describe as once having been 'spiritual'. He leaves you almost immediately upon learning that you are pregnant. Does that sound like a man having the Holy Spirit within him? Then he stays with this woman claiming to love you in a special way and simply 'caring' for her. Does that sound like a man in whom the Holy Spirit lives? Then he openly claims that he is SUCH a nice guy that he won't come back to you because he would just do it again!!! Now, be real. Is that the voice of a man that has any clue, whatsoever, about God's heart? The man you married might have appeared 'spiritual'. But, his life and words say something very, very different. They say he was 'religious' and that his heart is empty and devoid of the Spirit. So, until he TRULY turns to Christ, he will NEVER be able to be a blessing to ANY woman... and, I can assure you he is no blessing to the woman he is with if he talks of love to you and only of 'caring' for her. Just be glad you aren't her. God wants you to be blessed. "I am come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly." is NOT an empty phrase. It's the reason that Jesus Christ came.

csl7037 -> RE: Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (8/4/2008 7:27:14 AM)
I agree that from the outside, we could take this either way. IMO, you just need to seek the Lord. If He puts it in your spirit to stand in faith that this be put back together, then stand. I'm sure that's His will but He also gave your dh free will. You need to just stay in God's will for you and if he choses to return to the Lord (and to you), God will restore things. If he choses to stay in his sin, God will give you peace and you'll still be in His will, protected and led by Him onward. He most certainly does want you to live abundantly as His child - but that means He wants you with Him! That's completely irrespective of what your dh does or doesn't do. Your peace, joy, love, and future are in Him, not dependent on him! I will say, though, that we had a man in the church I grew up in who stood on faith for about two decades to see his marriage restored. How many people must've told him for YEARS to just let it go?!?! We moved away and I was a kid so I don't know how long ago it was but they were reunited, the wife saved, and now she's right there with him in church every Sunday. I saw them recently when I visited. God can do amazing things in the hearts of man, but only when they let Him. As far as the prozac goes, I like the analogy. It's an entire can of worms for another thread but don't worry about that. Too many people put their faith in prozac; if your faith is what's holding you together (and you sound like an amazing lady), don't let the screwed up world tell you your faith is misplace.

jaimestarcross -> RE: Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (8/5/2008 2:51:06 PM)
quote: In the mean time I have taken this experience as an opportunity for Christ to shape me into the person He desires me to be. I have been in counseling since the beginning and fellowshipping with my friends at church. I have had an incredible support team through all of this. I have really sought the Lord to change me and he has! Unfortunately, I am afraid that it has been so long since he left that I have really not "accepted" what is happening to me. I am afraid that I have so trusted that Christ would/could resurrect this marriage that I have been "drugging" myself and not really accepting the fact that this marriage is over. He has given me absolutely no reason to think it is anything but over. Throughout this time, however, I have felt Christ asking me to stay committed. *Christ isn't Prozac and I find that analogy disturbing.... and sounding like some of the statements made by worldly people who disregard/disrespect God. Whatever situation you are facing God can help you through it... just like he helped David when he faced Goliath --- the Lord empowered him and David faced the foe victoriously! David wasn't blind to reality either if you noticed in scripture David took along extra stones (?) because there were other descendants of Rapha who are giants and brothers to Goliath and they were with the Philistines.

purplepearl -> RE: Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (8/5/2008 5:48:31 PM)
Jaimestarcross - quote: Christ isn't Prozac and I find that analogy disturbing.... Yeah I know that Christ is not Prozac - that is precisely my point. You are misinterpreting the analogy greatly. One of the reasons I have chosen Prozac for the anology is because it is commonly misprescribed much like the word of God is so commonly manipulated and misapplied. I am afraid that I am manipulating the word of God myself. This is what I am trying to figure out. Am I hearing what I want to hear - just take this "Jesus" pill and the pain will all go away? Maybe that is how it works. I really don't know. I am afraid that I am hiding behind Jesus and not really dealing with my reality. Is this possible? I really don't know. I have been seeking the scriptures and have been in constant prayer over this issue. I have also felt an overwhelming feeling of joy, peace and comfort - just like Prozac does for those who need it. I am afraid that I have made this comfort contigent on the promise I thought I heard from God reassuring me that my marriage would be resurrected. I am afraid that one day God is going to take me off "Prozac" (or the false joy/comfort that I created for myself and called it God) because I have misinterpreted the fight God wants me to fight. I can use Jaimestarcross's biblical story as an example: I have been David up against Goliath. The difference is that David was right - it was where he was supposed to be so he fought the Goliath victoriously. I am not sure I am fighting the right "Goliath". quote:* David wasn't blind to reality either if you noticed in scripture David took along extra stones (?) because there were other descendants of Rapha who are giants and brothers to Goliath and they were with the Philistines. In this example David wasn't blind to reality but he certainly was when he Killed Uriah to cover up the fact that he got Uriah's wife Bathsheba pregnant. Maybe David thought he deserved Basthsheba since he was so "righteous" before God. Where were his stones then? Where are mine? Where should I throw them? Maybe God hasn't given them to me yet because he knows what I would do with them! Ha!

keepingfaith -> RE: Divorce: Am I using Christ as Prozac? (8/5/2008 6:56:27 PM)
I'm so sorry for your pain. You are not wrong to believe God and stand in faith for your marriage. That is God's expressed will in His Word. Unfortunately, you will get much "worldly" advice, even in the church today. You will get the old... "move on you deserve better. He'll never change... God doesn't want you to suffer..." I find all of this in direct opposition to God's Counsel... the only counsel we should seek. My answers aren't easy... but I don't find His answers always easy. I would highly encourage you to visit the divorce/remarriage thread here and to dig into His Word. If we humbly ask for wisdom, He will give it to us. I think His Counsel is clear on what our options are in this situation, but many will tell you otherwise. I'm very grateful that I didn't listen to the "many" well-meaning folks and was led back to His Word and He showed me truth, even though it was a hard truth to hear. You will never go wrong walking in obedience to God, walking out His love and commitment to your husband. I highly recommend reading Matthew (all of it) especially 5:44 about loving our enemies, praying for those who persecute us. All throughout Matthew Jesus shows us how we should love, forgive, and respond to those who harm us, and it is not what comes in the natural... I will pray for your husband... and your marriage. God can do miracles and He will carry through no matter what. God bless.

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