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VisitorinWaiting -> Frustrated... (7/30/2008 10:25:47 AM)

Ds is 5. I have talked about him many times here and in other places... He is very bright. He is also very strong willed. We managed to make it through Saxon Phonics K5 pretty well. He did great in it and can now sound out lots of words. He also knows some sight words. The main problem that we had during phonics was that he would get frustrated when he couldn't do something that I asked him to do. "Write the letter A." He would try, but if he messed up in the least, he would scribble on his paper, throw his pencil, get up from his seat, and go sit far away from me... sitting "criss-cross" with his hands crossed over his chest. He would sit there until I could encourage him to come and try again. Eventually, he would...and the same thing would happen again until HE felt it was good enough to move on. Sometimes he wouldn't come back, even with my encouraging, and we'd just try again at a later time...or move on to the next lesson...because he caught on well, this didn't interrupt his learning process. This summer, I am trying to improve his reading skills and teach ds2 (age 4) how to read or at least some sounds of letters and stuff. We are working through "Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons." He likes it okay. He seems bored sometimes, but I think it's good for little brother to be working with big brother...only because little brother seems more apt to work at it with big brother there. So, after we do the lesson, I give him something that he really likes...today, we did some dot-to-dot pages. He LOVES those. Well, he got frustrated because he missed one dot...and he hadn't completed it...just went about 1 dot too far, but when he saw that he missed on, he scribbled on the paper, threw his pencil down in the floor, and walked away. I coaxed him into coming back, and told him several times what he needed to do. He wouldn't do it...just kept getting more and more angry. So, he back talked me. I took the paper and said, "Okay." I wadded it up and threw it away. He cried and got more angry. I took him to his room for some calm down time...that took at least 30 minutes. Then he had to pay time in the naughty spot because he threw a toy at me in the process. Anyway, as you can see, when he gets like this, it just cycles out of control. I had a child that I taught a few years ago, when I was still working in the public school. He was JUST like this. He was smart, strong willed, and got frustrated very easy. I would often get his work with scribbles on it where he got frustrated and just scribbled. He threw a chair at me once...and he was in the principal's office almost every day. So, I know how the public school would handle my child... :( How do I handle this though...the right way? I had thought about getting him a white board with markers and letting him write on that since it's easier to fix when you mess up, but then I wouldn't have anything to turn in at the end of the year to show his work. *sigh* Just very worn out...don't know what to do with him........



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 10:46:35 AM)

Are either of his parents perfectionists, too?

Clearly his expectations (and possibly yours) do not match up to his abilities. You guys need to relax some! He's 5--honest, if he doesn't know how to write, it isn't a big deal at this age. And over-doing the academics is going to increase his frustration level. Remember, 100 years ago, kids his age weren't even IN school!



his_chosen -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 11:33:33 AM)

He's 5yo. I'd back off. What ever frustrates him needs to be put away for right now. I would sit with him and read. Play games. Talk about everything. He needs to learn that learning is FUN!

Home schooling is NOT "school at home". Put away the workbooks. Find other ways for him to learn. Heck--he may not even be ready yet!

My youngest son is 10yo. He also would get frustrated with everything. So I backed off. (Part of it, too, was I got very sick when he was in "kindergarten", so he ended up with the short end of the stick). He didn't like reading. Convinced he couldn't do it. Would scribble/crumple worksheets. So we stopped. I read to him. We played games. Ya know what? Now he loves reading. Math always did come easy to him, but "timed tests" and worksheets frustrated him. So we didn't do them. We played games. He's working way above his grade level.



goodnsimple -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 11:50:54 AM)

I have two perfectionists.
The first one is self motivated and excells, assigned herself research papers etc.

Then there is Dutch. He would not turn in his Read and Respond paper (public school) not because he didn't do the reading, but because he couldn't (wouldn't) write the two sentences...
He couldn't "think" of anything. He will also not take Karate because he doesn't know how to do Karate...

I feel your pain.

Solutions: I don't know, sometimes I push him into doing things and yell a bit. some peer pressure has helped. (he willingly was the worst kid on his team in basketball, because he wanted to hang out with Sal)

When he wouldn't write, because he wasn't any good at it; his sister pulled out her kindergarten work and showed her how bad her writing was... then he was willing to do it.

but, going into the 3rd grade we still struggle, I have pushed cursive because I think develpmentally it is easier than printing. And it appeals to his esthetic sense. He thinks it is prettier.



VisitorinWaiting -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 1:24:34 PM)

I really don't feel like I'm pushing him guys. HE ASKS TO WRITE...and then once we get there, and he messes up once, and it really looks fine to me...especially for his age...he still sees something imperfect in it and wants to try again, and when it doesn't work a second time, BAM. He's upset. This morning, when he went to the couch to sit after his little frustration fit, I kept working with ds2, not saying anything to him. He wanted to come back and do his. I said that I'd help, and he said that he wanted to do it by himself.

Are either of his parents perfectionist? Well, in some ways, I guess I see a bit of it in both of us, so maybe he had no chance to be anything but. :) LOL



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 2:09:44 PM)

What size and type of letters is he writing?

Oh, and be sure to let him see you be satisfied with less-than-perfect work.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 2:12:11 PM)

even if it is him pushing himself I would still find ways to force him to back off of whatever frustrates him. When he walks off, put it away...don't get it back out until he asks again...and you ptresent a positive outlook on whatever he does, even if it isn't perfect. Gush over it....put it on the refrigerator to show it off, send it to grandparents, etc. Your positive attitude will hopefully make him become more positive about it himself.

Also find ways to "sneak" practice in for him in ways that are fun. For instance, when you are making out your shopping list ask for his help or let him do a list himself...then at the store he can get the items he has on his list. If he can't write out the letters then encourage him to draw pics of the item, esp since you said in another thread that you started you said he loves to draw.



HSmom2 -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 2:37:14 PM)

Hi,

I agree with the other ladies, 5 is young to write.

How about a chalk board and some chalk. He can erase to his heart's content. What about some flour or sand on a cookie sheet and he trace the letters with his fingers? I like the magnetic alphabets or the foam alphabets puzzles for tracing the letters. Think big writing, not small.

Blessings,
hsmom2



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 3:01:40 PM)

My 5 yo is a perfectionist. And there's no question he gets it from his dad. [&:]
I have done two things with him:
1. Remind him over and over and over again that we all make mistakes, that he will not get in trouble for making mistakes, and that it is OK for him to mess up.
2. Praise even his imperfect accomplishments.
3. Made angry acting-out a discipline issue. It's ok for him to get upset and want to erase and try again, but it is *not* ok for him to throw things, pout, hit, etc.

I think a chalkboard or a whiteboard would be very helpful. That we he's not destroying stuff every time he messes up and wants to erase it. [:)] He can also write larger, which is easier for little ones.



shadowspring -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 5:23:38 PM)

My daughter LOVED the whiteboard easel we used in the early years!

The bright markers on white really pleased her artistic sensibilities. [:D]



VisitorinWaiting -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 8:47:19 PM)

This evening he wanted something to do...so he goes to the closet, pulls out a white board with the "Kindergarten" lines on it...the two solid lines and the dotted one in the middle....and starts writing every letter of the alphabet. :) I guess that's what I should be working with instead of paper and pencil. How come he can do it so effortlessly on the white board...and not get frustrated, and when we are working with paper, he does? I don't get it. I mean, I understand that it's more eye appealing and that it's easier to erase, but you hold your hand the same, and you make the same lines and curves and such. Oh well... He is a perfectionist... [&:] Ds2 is definitely NOT because he would sit and work with me on it all day! LOL So, I guess I'll just have to suit each ones needs and go from there. I'm sure ds2 will enjoy white board and markers too. I understand that writing isn't SUPER important right now. So, I don't push it. If they do it, they do it. If they don't, they don't. Like I said, ds usually WANTS to write, and that's how we get into this. I do praise him for each effort, even if it's not even remotely close to what it's "supposed" to be, but more often than not, it looks wonderful. Today, he was trying to make an "M," the first letter in his name. He made a "W" instead. He knew it wasn't right, so he erased it. He tried again, and I saw him follow along the same lines that he'd just erased. It puzzled me since he knew that wasn't right...but I kept letting him go. After that one, he became frustrated. He made a "W" at least two more times, and then I put the paper away...



betterisoneday -> RE: Frustrated... (7/30/2008 9:22:43 PM)

No suggestions here but here's a hug ((VIW)), because I'm in the exact same boat... I seriously said, after reading your post, 'hey, did she just spend a day with my oldest?' [;)]
It's ...interesting.. to see all those things I had forgotten being frustrated about at that age.

Hope the white board thing keeps working for you, I'll have to copy that idea.



cindybode -> RE: Frustrated... (7/31/2008 4:29:11 PM)

My oldest was like this. Essentially we did what Maggie suggested - told her it's ok to make mistakes, praised her effort, not just the result, and made sure she understood that it was not ok scream, pout, and/or throw things. I made it very clear that if she was being disciplined, it was because she threw a fit and ripped up her paper, NOT because that A wasn't perfect.

BTW she is 22 now and has pretty much gotten over it, so there's hope. [;)]



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Frustrated... (7/31/2008 11:09:54 PM)

quote:

made sure she understood that it was not ok scream, pout, and/or throw things

And she did not do ANY of those things during the month she stayed with us! LOL



cindybode -> RE: Frustrated... (7/31/2008 11:33:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

quote:

made sure she understood that it was not ok scream, pout, and/or throw things

And she did not do ANY of those things during the month she stayed with us! LOL


Whew! That's a relief! [8D]



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Frustrated... (8/1/2008 11:27:22 PM)

quote:

How come he can do it so effortlessly on the white board...and not get frustrated, and when we are working with paper, he does? I don't get it. I mean, I understand that it's more eye appealing and that it's easier to erase, but you hold your hand the same, and you make the same lines and curves and such.



I completely understand that. I am 36 yrs. old, and I STILL like chalkboards and markerboards better than writing on paper. I just like the sensation better. And I despise pencils. Maybe he does as well. Perhaps you could get him some eraseable pens. You could also tape a worksheet to the desk, and tape clear plastic over that, and let him use that. That's one thing I had always wanted to do if/when I home schooled.



mrsrevbob -> RE: Frustrated... (8/2/2008 9:40:35 AM)

quote:

He's 5yo. I'd back off. What ever frustrates him needs to be put away for right now. I would sit with him and read. Play games. Talk about everything. He needs to learn that learning is FUN!

Amen
At 5, I would be more inclined to see what he holds onto rather than what he throws away. All children do not learn the same way. One of my kids played quite a bit with play dough until he was almost six. He runs a mental health facility now.

Also remember that when they act up, they may be thinking to themselves that they can personally accept dealing with being bad, whereas from a very early age through the rest of their lives, they fear being identified as the non smart one.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Frustrated... (8/2/2008 12:06:37 PM)

quote:

You could also tape a worksheet to the desk, and tape clear plastic over that, and let him use that.

or just slide the sheet of paper down into a page protector sheet...it can be written on with dry or wet erase markers then wiped off and the page reused.



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