Why men don't write advice columns... (Full Version)

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APZR -> Why men don't write advice columns... (7/8/2008 5:00:24 PM)

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for
work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as
usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when
my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.
I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes.
He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32,
my husband is 34, and we have been married
for twelve years. When I confronted him, he admitted that
they had been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago, and
he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him
the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.

He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through
to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Distraught in North Carolina


Dear Distraught:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can
be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.
Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line.
If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the
intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.

If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could
be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery
pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.
Walter



David_D -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/8/2008 6:07:23 PM)

Now that's funny!



dinomax55 -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/8/2008 6:44:42 PM)

hilarious.. I must share it with others..



denbert -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/8/2008 8:23:11 PM)

-
LOL!



APZR -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/9/2008 11:31:20 AM)

Soooo... I shouldn't give up my day job just yet? I was already planning to expand it into talk radio program. [sm=headphone.gif]



timothypalla -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/12/2008 1:52:40 PM)

I collect humorous anecdotes. It is definitely a keeper.

Here is one I found somewhere last fall:

In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mikele approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mikele worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mikele stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mikele never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mikele was walking through the Brookfield Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mikele and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mikele, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mikele couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mikele summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mikele's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/13/2008 9:24:56 PM)

Yeah, somehow that right on the mark!



denbert -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/14/2008 6:32:53 AM)

-
Mark you say?



rayofson -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/14/2008 11:32:09 AM)

Yeah, I was thinking it might be the fuel pump.


[:D]



denbert -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/15/2008 9:00:25 PM)

-
Well see? There ya go.



buckifn -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/16/2008 10:56:49 AM)

adultry isn't a laughing matter. I am offended you posted this on a Christian website.



APZR -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/16/2008 1:03:24 PM)

Well it's a good thing that in the USA, you have the right to be offended.

Lighten up Francis... read the lighten up thread.



ConstantReader -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/16/2008 6:27:35 PM)

The Stripes reference for the win!!!!!!!! [:D]



buckifn -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/19/2008 2:56:54 PM)

quote:

Well it's a good thing that in the USA, you have the right to be offended.


on the matter of off color humor..I heard a pastor say an awesome thing once- if you don't think you will be comfortable saying it in heaven don't say it here on earth either...because every idle word we speak is being recorded in heaven.

When I'm in God's presence both there and here I don't want to be found laughing about adultry. Do you?



APZR -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/20/2008 12:05:14 AM)

Obviously you have some deep rooted unresolved issues. I do hope you retain some element of ability to laugh as you are the only one to completely miss the subject of the joke. I'm done with this one, and will post more guy jokes later being this is the Mens section rather than the theology debate section.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/20/2008 12:28:59 AM)

The joke wasn't about adultery. The joke is about where the male's mindset is typically at.



HHV5 -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/20/2008 12:49:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: timothypalla

I collect humorous anecdotes. It is definitely a keeper.

Here is one I found somewhere last fall:

In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mikele approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mikele worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mikele stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mikele never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mikele was walking through the Brookfield Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mikele and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mikele, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mikele couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mikele summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mikele's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.


I hope this wasn't a true story...



APZR -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (7/20/2008 4:55:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HHV5
I hope this wasn't a true story...


Naw, that joke has been on the net for a little while. But this one is true[;)]:

The preacher noticed little Billy was staring up at the plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
It was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the preacher walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly: "Good morning, Billy."

"Good morning, Preacher," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Preacher, what is this?"

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died while in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the plaque.

Little Billy's voice was barely audible when he asked: "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:00?"



TMarkert -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (8/2/2008 5:29:14 PM)

buckifn, it's attitudes like yours that kept me from becoming a Christian until the age of 36.. I didn't want the stuffy life, cant laugh, have to watch every word, and so on..

Dude, lighten UP!

first, the joke wasn't about adultery

second, GOD gave us all a sense of humor and the option to use it..

Third, Censor yourself and not everyone else!

Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!



HHV5 -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (8/2/2008 9:07:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TMarkert

buckifn, it's attitudes like yours that kept me from becoming a Christian until the age of 36.. I didn't want the stuffy life, cant laugh, have to watch every word, and so on..

Dude, lighten UP!

first, the joke wasn't about adultery

second, GOD gave us all a sense of humor and the option to use it..

Third, Censor yourself and not everyone else!

Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!


The Bible DID say we should guard our tongues...

I also don't think it's fair to assign blame. It was your choice to accept or reject the Gospel.



9drtr -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (8/9/2008 5:33:30 PM)

There's a difference between guarding our tongues and living in fear of offening to someone who might find "Good morning" offensive.

If you notice, TMarkert didn't reject the Gospel; people just made it hard for him to get close enough to accept it. In fact, the harder it was for him to get close, the more credit he deserves for making the effort in spite of all Christians did to scare him off.



kljohnson77 -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (8/9/2008 7:34:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreadPirateRandy

The joke wasn't about adultery. The joke is about where the male's mindset is typically at.


I wholeheartedly agree about the target of the joke...



jn1010lf -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (8/10/2008 9:35:32 AM)

Hello APZR

I got some better advice. Sue your husband and get alimony. Take that money an buy you a new car. You may cure both problems that way.



revbob4God -> RE: Why men don't write advice columns... (8/12/2008 10:28:08 AM)

Through it all, I ponder.
Yall, it may have been the carburetor, or maybe some cog in the manifold, a bad gasket.....



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