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Rushing down the altar - 6/6/2008 7:07:12 PM
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camelot12
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Does anyone have any idea why people rush into marriage with someone they barely know? This is beyond me, i don't get it. And I'm wondering if this impulsiveness is contributing to the high divorce rate--does anyone think it is? I'm talking becoming engaged and married within mere weeks or months or being married within a year. Such impulsiveness seems so foolish; like a recipe for disaster. The person you could be rushing into marriage with could be a total jerk and you wouldn't know it because you haven't allowed enough time for their true colors to come out. Anyone could put on a good act for awhile. And then people say--"that's not the person I married, " um yes they can only be what they are.
Marriage is supposed to be one of the biggest commitments in your life--it's you with another person for a lifetime, dealing with eachother through the good the bad and the ugly. If it's not to be entered into lightly then wouldn't it makes sense for people take the time to get to know eachother, discuss important issues, make sure they are right for eachother and become really good friends before getting married?
It amazes me time and time again seeing these people getting divorced over things that should have been discussed before being married.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/6/2008 8:25:42 PM
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fist.sensei
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I don't think the elapsed time has much to do with it. People are going to make bad choices in mates regardless of how much time is involved.
The current divorce rate has to do with selfishness and economic prosperity. We live in an economy that is good enough that we do not depend upon a mate in our lifestyle. As of 50 years ago, a woman couldn't risk leaving her husband for fear that she or her children might starve from lack of job opportunities or social acceptance. In today's times, a woman can make it fine on her own. Not to say that men don't initiate divorces either, but it is more often the woman divorcing the man.
So when years ago your wellbeing depended upon staying with a spouse regardless of your "happiness" or your compatibility, today it is not the same. Compatibility is a huge issue that most completely overlook when they are in "swooning" mode. I guess time does have some to do with discovering compatability levels, but some see it sooner than others.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/6/2008 9:30:40 PM
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VisitorinWaiting
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I don't think the amount of time matters either. My grandparents met one night at a county fair, and then later that night drove to a nearby town and got married. They were married until my grandfather passed away last year. I don't know how many years, but their oldest daughter is in her late 50's, so at least that long. I agree that the high divorce rate is based on many other things, but time doesn't seem to be one of teh biggest ones anyway...
_____________________________
Hebrews 11:13,16 "...They said they were like visitors and strangers on earth...they were waiting for a better country, a heavenly country." (NCV)
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/7/2008 8:13:21 PM
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camelot12
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quote:
I don't think the elapsed time has much to do with it. People are going to make bad choices in mates regardless of how much time is involved.
True, but I think by taking the time to know someone you can weed out the jerks and noncompatibles before the big I do. If you rush in blindly you have a high risk of finding out--hey my spouse who i thought was the sweetest person in the world is really a selfish jerk and I promised myself to them for life! AHHH!! Thus better odds of a sucessful marriage equals knowing who you are marrying. Who wouldn't want that? You don't randomly buy a car without taking the time to know stuff about it. People are more complex then cars!
Doesn't this make sense? By taking the time to know a person (which requires time), you get to see them across a variety of situations--how they react when they are happy, stressed, angry, sad, lonely exc.; You get to see if there actions are consistent with their beliefs...Do they walk the talk? How is their character? Do they have self-control, are they selfish, manipulative, possessive, jealous, or trustworthy? What is important to them? How well do you get along? Do you enjoy eachother's company? Are they good with money? I know I want to know these things before I commit myself to someone for life!!! Isn't that the wise thing to do?
How are you supposed to know those things when you don't take the time to know someone? You can't! And without this knowledge you can only make decisions based on assumptions, biases, and wishful thinking. How can you can't make an informed, educated decision about someone when you have nothing to go by feelings and hormones. The madness! AHHHH!!!!
Being patient makes sense to me for the reasons I mentioned above. And yet I see people around me rushing into marriage with someone they've only known for months, only to get divorced. That's ridiculous. And it makes me think " have they you lost your minds, what's the hurry?"
So what is the hurry to get married so quickly and why do people do it?
I've been with my bf for 3.5 years and I'm so happy how our relationship has progressed; we have a steady foundation built through the test of time and through time we've become best friends. If we were to get married now I woud know i was making the right decision. I could not imagine marrying him after a couple months.
< Message edited by camelot12 -- 6/7/2008 8:20:04 PM >
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/7/2008 8:54:41 PM
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karlie
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First and foremost is seeking God, not conventional wisdom or what seems right to us. What are His plans and His timing for us as individuals? Are we seeking His leading and guidance? That matters so much more than the length of time in a relationship. Only He knows what he wants to accomplish in us, and only he knows the true heart of a person. If we're making our choices according to our own wisdom, we can wait for 10 years to know someone and still make a mistake if it isn't God's timing or leading. On the other hand, someone can choose to be obedient and marry within a month and it turn out to be a very wonderful thing because it was God's timing and the person God brought along.
I'm not necessarily for people marring very soon in a relationship. I agree, it takes time to know the real person. But if we're leaning on our own wisdom and understanding, and choosing to do what seems right to us and not even bothering to find out if maybe God has other plans or timing for us, then it really doesn't matter how long we've been dating or in a relationship, because we could still be making a mistake.
_____________________________
1 day of coal...364 days of fun. I'll take my chances!
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/7/2008 9:11:20 PM
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fist.sensei
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I think some people could mandate a 2 year dating period and still make stupid decisions and ignore huge red flags.
I do agree that conventional wisdom does not have anything to do with relationships sometimes, especially when discussing how much time is appropriate.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/7/2008 9:33:35 PM
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sherry1985
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i have heard some people who just ran away and got married without knowing eatch other and it worked out but in my opion i woulnt want to get married intill i know the person atleast for 9 years or 8 cus u cant see the red flags only for a year and i think it was easyer for the older people back then cus they really didnt bevile in dirvorice not like our gentione.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/8/2008 12:10:43 AM
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jaimestarcross
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I don't know many people who rushed into marriage - except for myself.
Most people know I met a man online and married him within a 3 month period.
Most people think that's very foolish - especially since he and I lived in two different countries - there are a few people who totally think it's wrong that I married a man who's of a different race. I've had a few people who objected to me marrying a man who has grown children... The remainder object to second marriages.
Some of the leading causes of divorce: Poor communication -
Financial problems - A lack of commitment to the marriage - Infidelity
A dramatic change in priorities - Failed expectations or unmet needs
Addictions and substance abuse - Physical, sexual or emotional abuse -
Lack of conflict resolution skills.
Regardless of the length of time people are married - the above problems/causes figured in the couple divorcing.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/8/2008 2:17:35 AM
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purplepixie87
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quote:
ORIGINAL: camelot12
but I think by taking the time to know someone you can weed out the jerks and noncompatibles before the big I do. If you rush in blindly you have a high risk of finding out--hey my spouse who i thought was the sweetest person in the world is really a selfish jerk and I promised myself to them for life! AHHH!!
You are apparently not thinking of other things though. There are MANY MANY MANY people with psychological disorders in this world, and a good deal of those people have personality disorders, or they are a psychopath or a sociopath. These people, the ones with personality disorders, psychopathic, sociopathic, they are the ones you could know for YEARS, and they can hide their true selves well. It's just something that is embedded in their mind to do. It doesn't come hard to them to do it. So it does not matter even if you date for 10 years, the minute you two get married they could switch to being a total jerk and treating you badly. It's just the way those type of people are.
So no, time does not matter when it comes to the divorce rate. It depends on other factors that jaimestarcross pointed out. Those are most likely the reasons to get divorced, that and some women will divorce a guy just to get alimony and child support or for some other selfish reason. So really, it depends on the people and other extenuating factors. And as karlie said, put your trust and faith in God, and He WILL lead the way. God never steers you wrong from what He wishes.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/8/2008 5:23:07 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
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Well, I'm going to be blunt. I think it's ridiculous to wait for so very long, especially eight or nine years as someone mentioned above.
You don't have your youth forever. This doesn't mean to go about and lead a foolish lifestyle and marry for nothing but the sake of being married. However, if you've known that individual thoroughly through different circumstances and seen the way they've reaction under certain situations and their intentions, emotions, and motives were set clear, I see no point in waiting just for acquiring an educated decision. You're going to have problems, despite this knowledge or not, that's the growth process two individuals are supposed to experience, and no fore-knowledge is going to prevent that.
My parents got married a month after dating. They've been together for all these years. Their case proves that time itself does not play into the role of whether a marriage is a success or not, it's the individuals themselves that ultimately decide this factor.
quote:
ORIGINAL: camelot12
So what is the hurry to get married so quickly and why do people do it?
What is the hurry?
Jesus Christ said He is to return. Many virgins want to experience that particular wedding night before His return happens. Okay. I'm mostly speaking for myself....
In all seriousness, I can't speak for other couples outside of my own experience, but waiting just seems pointless to me. Say you know whom God has for you. You know He has called you to be with this individual, that he/she is the absolute and perfect one for you. What then? Knowing this, do you wait although you've received this assurance? or do you play it safe, waste countless years of struggling to keep your hormones in check when you could be enjoying this intimacy in marriage?
Paul said to come together again and devote yourselves to prayer that you may not fall into temptation for the lack of self-control. Who is more likely to fall into this temptation? A married couple. Or a couple who waits, holding off these urges, until they eventually bust? A married couple wouldn't suffer from this temptation, as being married, you become one flesh. It's quite the opposite before you're married, because you're completely tempted, yet you are forbidden to act on such desires.
For that reason, I think it's better to marry sooner as opposed to later because the temptation is lessened and you're able to remain pure for your future bride, as she is for you.
Why do people do it
Different couples have different motives. Some couples wish to be married young so they can begin working on a family while still in their youth. Others, like myself, desire marriage merely for waking up every morning next to the woman I love more than anything on this earth.
Time is valuable and vanishes slowly with every movement we make. Why wait forever when all you're wasting is valuable time together? In my mind, that mental thought just seems illogical. I'd rather put effort toward using this time in progression to my future married life than to sit and think about it for numerous years only to realize I've wasted so much time when I really knew it all along. Again, such long wait just seems illogical to me.
When God has blessed you with the assurance of being with that specific person He has designed for you, I can't think but to ask the complete opposite question: Why wait?
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/8/2008 12:29:58 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11698
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quote:
Does anyone have any idea why people rush into marriage with someone they barely know?
That right there is the key, and it really has little to do with a time period, it has to do with actually finding out who the other person is--and even more important, who *you* are. And a lot of people really don't want to know.
People mistake infatuation for love. Infatuation is not love, and infatuation doesn't last for ever. It is like an hallucenogenic drug. But, since it feels so darned good, people have a tendency to try to grab it and keep it, even though the will not be able to do it.
Infatuation focuses on feelings, and never sees the other person as the really are. Love sees the person as the really are and keeps right on loving them, warts, idiosyncrasies and all.
Infatuation keeps trying to keep a certain feeling. Love is a committment, a decision to love *in spite* of feelings.
Feelings change; love doesn't.
I know I have probably said this many times before, but my state got very nervous about the high divorce rate and tried to do something about it. In order to get a marriage license, a couple could get the license for $25 (the price it had always been) if they showed proof of pre-marital counselling. The counselling is offered for free by almost every denomination, and also offered for a very modest price through adult education in our city (last time I checked it was $20 for 8 weeks, and the fee could be waived if the couple absolutely couldn't afford it and refused to go into a church.) If the couple had no counselling, the could still get a license, but it cost, iirc, $120.
After one year I read that most couples preferred to pay the higher fee, rather than get the counselling and possibly find out that neither the nor the person they were so madly in love with was who they thought.
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/9/2008 1:07:25 PM
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camelot12
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quote:
First and foremost is seeking God, not conventional wisdom or what seems right to us. What are His plans and His timing for us as individuals? Are we seeking His leading and guidance? That matters so much more than the length of time in a relationship.
quote:
Say you know whom God has for you. You know He has called you to be with this individual, that he/she is the absolute and perfect one for you
Yes it is important to seek God's will no question, but how do you know this is the person God wants for you? God is not going to just give someone a supernatural sign that the person is the right one (in most circumstances). The face of the person you marry is not going to glow and lightning is not going to strike indicating you should marry. Birds are not going to chirp in harmony when you walk by and celestial harps are not going to play. Therefore just like with anyone who becomes your friend you have to get to know them which takes time and see if you have the same values and life direction. Plus patience is one of the fruits of the holy spirit, and hastiness has always been the way of fools.
And how can you know in such a short time that they are the one?
quote:
If we're making our choices according to our own wisdom, we can wait for 10 years to know someone and still make a mistake if it isn't God's timing or leading
quote:
Well, I'm going to be blunt. I think it's ridiculous to wait for so very long, especially eight or nine years as someone mentioned above.
10 years is way to long, you should know by then. For me personally, I think people should date atleast 1 year minimum before bringing up an engagement, but preferably 2 years. My grandma always advised my cousins and I that you should see someone in all 4 seasons before getting married and I think that is good advice.
quote:
I think some people could mandate a 2 year dating period and still make stupid decisions and ignore huge red flags.
quote:
Yeah. Look at the number of women who will stick with and caretake a mean, abusive, leech of a boyfriend for five or even ten years, hoping that one day he will turn nice and present them with an engagement ring. I know so many women who have done that. 'Course, the guy would drop them the minute they said no to sex.
If a person sees warning signs and ignores them they have co-dependency, low self-esteem, low self-confidence or denial problems they need psychological help. Leaving would be the rational sane thing.
A person should look at there bf/gf and think "is this person worth having around," not "I'm so scared to leave them!" In my opinion people who put up with bad behavior don't like themselves. A person should not need a bf/gf to be happy or feel good about themselves; the relationship should not be the end all of their existance and they should have their own life and interests outside of the relationship. You should never change yourself to impress or get accepted by someone else. If the other person cannot accept you for who you are they are not worth it.
quote:
Paul said to come together again and devote yourselves to prayer that you may not fall into temptation for the lack of self-control. Who is more likely to fall into this temptation? A married couple. Or a couple who waits, holding off these urges, until they eventually bust?
Are you saying abstinence isn't realistic?
quote:
or do you play it safe, waste countless years of struggling to keep your hormones in check when you could be enjoying this intimacy in marriage?
So you would hurry into marriage in order to use someone for your self-gratification? That's treating them like an object not a person in my opinion. That's not romantic.
"Baby, let's hurry and get married so I can use you to get myself off without feeling guilt, because I don't have self-control and I can't wait." If you say that to a woman I'm sure that won't touch her heart.
Sex is special and I think you should be together with someone awhile before having it, married or not. There has to be a foundation of trust and friendship and something real and of substance in a relationship before it means more than just something physical to me. Marriage doesn't make sex special it's the quality of the relationship and quality takes time.
So far most of you said time doesn't matter, but attitude does. So basically couples who go into marriage quickly can make it work if they have a realistic view of marriage not a fairy tale one. That makes sense, but I still don't understand why anyone would want to enter a marriage quickly. Unless God tells you himself you can't be certain someone is God's will for you. Is the whole no sex before marriage thing the main reason couples rush?
< Message edited by karlie -- 6/9/2008 2:56:08 PM >
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/9/2008 2:58:03 PM
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momma07
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I think time does factor in definately, but what can be said of marriages that after 20 years break up becasue the other claims to have been living an altenate lifestyle, such as homosexuality. They decide to give in to it and turn to that way of life. Sometimes the spouse says they had no idea their spouse was that way, whether thats a matter of being denial or not, hard to say. Maybe they never really knew the person at all?? I think whats more important is the time you spend continuing to get to know each other, after the I do's. Its the time you spend communicating, working your issues out together. It's the time you spend together and seperately stregthening your walk with the lord, this will in turn strengthen your relationship with your spouse. Length of time in getting to know each other is important, it gives you a little more education on the person you are with. You learn more or less how their likes and dislikes, how they react to certain situations etc. After a suitable amount of time (to be determined by the couple) they can see if they are willing to commit to each other for a lifetime despite some things they may never like and aspects of the other person that they can live without. But even then just when you think you got your spouse figured out, they change. I have known my husband since I was 15 years old, I am 31 now. Yet we only have been married for 4 years. We actively dated for about 8 years. Some may think we waited too long, that we should have known whether we wanted to be together or not. I don't think it was ever an issue of not knowing, it was an issue of being ready, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I feel for the most part I know him inside out, but he throws me for a loop sometimes. We have bought a house and had our 1st baby all in the span of 2 years. Those are some major changes that have caused us to change. He pleasantly surprises me sometimes by his reactions to certain situations that in the past I would have been less than thrilled with. Sometimes, I am not surprised at all by the way he reacts, he was like that when we met 16 years ago. But we keep pushing forward, because no matter how much time passes there are always things to learn about each other. Life is ever changing and we roll with life. But the constant is our committment to each other and the vows we pledged before God. Time, yes its an issue but as a matter of judging whether someone is rushing or not, that is subjective. I think its more important to look at the condition of the heart and the ability to commit to each other, no matter how long you have known the person.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/9/2008 4:10:06 PM
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April75
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I think you can know someone for years and never find out their secrets until you are married even then you still may not know everything. It's how transparent/honest & open a person is willing to be with the other.
I agree with the person who said it has nothing to do with the timeframe but how well you know the person and you know who you are as well.
Some people are married and miserable then there are others who divorce.
It's ironic this topic is here because I was just thinking about this on my break.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/9/2008 4:14:49 PM
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April75
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I have a question. If you did rush into marrying someone for whatever reason is there anyway it could work? What are some things that could be done?
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/10/2008 1:13:00 AM
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loveleee
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From: Southern Gal
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I agree. Marriage is on top of the important list. I am 25 only married for almost 4 years. When me and my husband got married I knew it was for life so did my husband. It was also a commitment to God. From experience with friends, I have seen people get married just because other people they were getting married. Unfortunatley I have seen some get divorced.
Another thing that bothers me is when people live together as if they were married. Deciding to just skip that part. I have a few people in my family that are unweded parents. My 14 year old cousin is pregnant and living at my moms. She doesnt have a clue as to the right path in life. and honestly, she scares me. Because alot of her friends are going through the same thing. I was at a high school graduation and four girls were pregnant graduating.
All I can think about is the children and the example that is being taught to them.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/10/2008 2:20:47 PM
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CheshireMuse
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My grandmother never said anything about a specific time limit on engagements, but she did give me some advice...
1) Take all his (or her) faults - all the things that irritate you... multiply them times 10... If you can still stand to be around him (or her), then you could survive marriage.
2) NEVER marry anyone thinking they'll change. It doesn't happen.... EVER.
3) NEVER marry someone until you've gotten into a knock-down-drag-out argument with them and had to nurse them through an illness.
(Illness and anger are the two things that will reveal a person's character faster than time will ever do..... )
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/10/2008 2:44:52 PM
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karlie
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quote:
3) NEVER marry someone until you've gotten into a knock-down-drag-out argument with them
I would have never gotten married if we were waiting for that. 27 years later, we still have never had a serious fight where there's been yelling or screaming or anything other than a very calm discussion. I personally wouldn't have married someone I had gotten into a "knock down drag out fight" with before hand. Not if it means yelling and tempers out of control. That would have been red flag to me.
_____________________________
1 day of coal...364 days of fun. I'll take my chances!
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/10/2008 3:34:26 PM
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CheshireMuse
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quote:
ORIGINAL: karlie
quote:
3) NEVER marry someone until you've gotten into a knock-down-drag-out argument with them
I would have never gotten married if we were waiting for that. 27 years later, we still have never had a serious fight where there's been yelling or screaming or anything other than a very calm discussion. I personally wouldn't have married someone I had gotten into a "knock down drag out fight" with before hand. Not if it means yelling and tempers out of control. That would have been red flag to me.
My apologies... that one was a little tongue-in-cheek....
To qualify the statement....
Never marry someone until you have had to deal with conflict resolution. Finding out how someone handles disagreement, anger and resolving conflicts is an essential part of who they are.
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/10/2008 5:01:09 PM
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camelot12
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Well I suppose there is no such thing as one size fits all "cookie cutter" relationships. All couplets are different from eachother because the personalities involved in each coupling are different. So certain things that work for one couple may not work for another couple. For instance while getting married quickly for some couples may work out, this may not work for others.
I think it is always best to err on the side of caution though and that it is important for people to really think things over before making a serious commitment like marriage. To me this means getting to know your partner for who they really are, and being able to discuss important issues (and these things usually require some time). I think it is also wise for people to enter marriage realistically without the happily ever after fairy tale mentality.
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/11/2008 12:56:28 AM
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futuremartyr
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quote:
ORIGINAL: camelot12
Does anyone have any idea why people rush into marriage with someone they barely know? This is beyond me, i don't get it. And I'm wondering if this impulsiveness is contributing to the high divorce rate--does anyone think it is? I'm talking becoming engaged and married within mere weeks or months or being married within a year. Such impulsiveness seems so foolish; like a recipe for disaster. The person you could be rushing into marriage with could be a total jerk and you wouldn't know it because you haven't allowed enough time for their true colors to come out. Anyone could put on a good act for awhile. And then people say--"that's not the person I married, " um yes they can only be what they are.
Marriage is supposed to be one of the biggest commitments in your life--it's you with another person for a lifetime, dealing with eachother through the good the bad and the ugly. If it's not to be entered into lightly then wouldn't it makes sense for people take the time to get to know eachother, discuss important issues, make sure they are right for eachother and become really good friends before getting married?
It amazes me time and time again seeing these people getting divorced over things that should have been discussed before being married.
No, I think selfishness is contributing to the high divorce rate. We are selfish, we must starve the flesh and feed the spririt. Marriage is a covenant with God and your spouse, you are right to say it is the biggest commitment in life, next to our commitment to obey Jesus. The longer the engagement the more risk you run of falling into sin. I share your passion, I hate divorce. It is a result of sinful people, not getting married to quickly.
_____________________________
http://teachableheartsathome.blogspot.com/
http://store.familylife.com/conferences/find_conference.asp
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/11/2008 1:05:29 AM
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futuremartyr
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camelot:
quote:
True, but I think by taking the time to know someone you can weed out the jerks and noncompatibles before the big I do.
Marriage is not about compatibility. It's about commitment. No where in the Bible does it say marriage is about being compatible. It's best to have Jesus in common.
Becoming "one flesh" is a process. Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. My husband and I met in August 1992, and married in Dec 1992. We have grown up together. I was 18 and he was 19. We have been married 15 years now. We are growing in closeness every day, but there were times when we were growing in isolation. I can see how without Christ it would be easier to give up. We were almost divorced and been through allot. We are both selfish and he would tell you that too. You either trust God or you don't.
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http://teachableheartsathome.blogspot.com/
http://store.familylife.com/conferences/find_conference.asp
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RE: Rushing down the altar - 6/11/2008 3:24:37 AM
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blessednw
Posts: 723
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: camelot12
Well I suppose there is no such thing as one size fits all "cookie cutter" relationships. All couplets are different from eachother because the personalities involved in each coupling are different. So certain things that work for one couple may not work for another couple. For instance while getting married quickly for some couples may work out, this may not work for others.
I think it is always best to err on the side of caution though and that it is important for people to really think things over before making a serious commitment like marriage. To me this means getting to know your partner for who they really are, and being able to discuss important issues (and these things usually require some time). I think it is also wise for people to enter marriage realistically without the happily ever after fairy tale mentality.
No matter what any of us say here, we do not know the future like God does. He does not promise that we will have no trouble in this life. You could have done EVERY thing right and wise, and taken lots of time, observed a fiancee under pressure etc, and you could not be prepared for a man becoming hardened in his heart and deciding he doesn't want to be married to you anymore. Or a sickness, or a dismemberment, or an early death. There just is no guarantee that you will "weed out" the bad ones perfectly, or that a "good guy" will not later become "bad" due to sin. Unfortunately, that is the case with the many "jerks". It is just not true that the woman could've known about his behavior and avoided the association. There are so many factors involved.
Also, you can marry a superficial christian who is not deep in devotion to God and the become closer to the Lord , and desiring to please him by caring for their wife 5 years after the wedding. You just do not know the future. You also cannot control the future.
You can make your plans, but there will be many things in life that you have no control over, including and especially managing someone else's spiritual life or behavior.
Most people are on their best behavior when they are dating. Its a fact. Rarely are they as wonderful, eager to please and motivated after the ink dries on the wedding license. Best to walk with God, learn to seek His direction and trust Him through all the joys and difficulties that you may find in this life.
Remember, Paul said it was better not to marry if one really wanted to serve the Lord singlemindedly.
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This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.....
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