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RE: Former Relationships - 6/5/2008 12:00:29 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3466
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From: a mother who let me live
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Ah! I wondered! I am completely amazed that Humble remembered it!
I had some very humbling experiences while dating as a mother/widow. Aaaarrrrgh! It makes great stories for telling, but I would never want to repeat it!
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Former Relationships - 6/5/2008 12:17:52 AM
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trinigirl722
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From: Dallas, TX
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Glad you're past that now. At least you can laugh about it!
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RE: Former Relationships - 6/6/2008 12:48:46 AM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
Ah! I wondered! I am completely amazed that Humble remembered it!
I had some very humbling experiences while dating as a mother/widow. Aaaarrrrgh! It makes great stories for telling, but I would never want to repeat it!
Now I cannot explain why I remembered it, but I just did. Probably because it was one of the more humorous/interesting things that I have read in these forums through the years.
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RE: Former Relationships - 6/6/2008 12:58:57 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3466
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By any chance, Humble, do you remember the one about when I charity-dated the guy who kept wanting to go out with me, but I finally got rid of him for good when he broadsided a woman's car, and I told the lady he ran a red light -- which he did! -- ??
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Former Relationships - 6/6/2008 1:03:56 AM
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humbleinspirit
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Actually Abiyah, I do not think I remember reading about that one at all. Maybe you could start a thread on all of your dating mis-adventures. 
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RE: Former Relationships - 6/14/2008 5:53:53 PM
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_CANCELLED_
Posts: 165
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I think trying to find someone who hasn't said something negative about an ex is almost impossible. It's hard to not talk about the wrongs people have done to you. It reveals as much about you, as a partner, as the good things you say about them.
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RE: Former Relationships - 7/1/2008 3:00:18 AM
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ebony101
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It's better not to talk about them at all.
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By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: Former Relationships - 7/6/2008 8:30:11 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 192
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From: Minnesota
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I guess my husband and I are either weird or the exception. We both had been married before and have kids by ex's (but we are a blended family with both of us having custody and the ex's having little to do with the kids). Our kids are now grown and out of the house.
Anyway, when we met and were learning about each other (good and bad) we discussed our first marriages and what went wrong and every thing about it - including the ex's and how they acted or treated us. We probably talked more bad about them, but after knowing them, we were not lying to each other.
We never spoke badly about the other parent in front of the kids - this was only done in our private conversations. It probably was wrong but it also explained a lot of the past and has helped us to be a better spouse knowing what the former spouse was really like.
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RE: Former Relationships - 7/9/2008 9:54:39 AM
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Auben
Posts: 1634
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From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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I think this is like TMI stuff. No one really needs to know this kind of stuff early in the relationship, but a serious relationship probably means you need to sit down and go through it all at least once so your partner understands where you're coming from.
Everyone else can get a limited answer.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Former Relationships - 7/10/2008 1:00:27 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3466
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I started trying to date about two years after my first husband died, and it was disastrous. I got to the point that before I would go out with a man, I would tell him something like, "You will not touch me. You will not tell me what to do or how to do what I do. You will not drive my vehicles. You will not plan my future. We can go out as friends, but that is all." If the asking-for-a-date survived that, we would go out. But talk about TMI! By the time I went through that litany, they knew there had to be a history to bring that on!
When my second husband asked me out, he got good and griped out for just asking, then he got the usual stuff plus something like, "Why me? There are plenty of good-looking young women out there. Ask them out."
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Former Relationships - 7/10/2008 4:55:23 PM
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sudden
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From: Toronto
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But seriously Humble, the men I dated in the past were mostly wonderful - I just wasn't the "one" for them. SHould you talk about former relationships with new person? Unless the relationship is a serious one and you have a child with someone else who you still need to care for I can see no reason to discuss them at all.
Quite simply put, all you need to say to your new date is "it didn't work out."
No one, really likes to hear from their date of the misadventures of another love anyhow.
Yours for not kissing and telling,
Sudden
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I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: Former Relationships - 7/12/2008 2:10:43 AM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17005
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From: Just Outside of Boston
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Thanks Sudden!
quote:
ORIGINAL: sudden
I really can't imagine bad-mouthing those dirty-dog, snake-in-the-snow types that dumped me for someone else  With their lying lips saying stupid things such as "It's not you, it's me!" and you know what? They were right! It was them!
Isn't dumped just the saddest graphic you can think of? Like garbage from a garbage truck....like dirt from a dump truck.... Doesn't conjure up pretty pictures does it? 
Bad mouth them?!!!!
Far better to just punch 'em in the shnoze!!! That way, they know just how you feel! 
Glad to be past the dating stage.
Sudden
LOL Sudden, btw, good to see you here! 
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RE: Former Relationships - 7/25/2008 8:07:42 AM
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revbob4God
Posts: 598
Joined: 7/25/2008
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Hello, I'm a newbie. I wanted to add a reflection.
Regarding relationships, I feel what is most important to the individual and couple as well, is to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, and as long as each partner is being honest and genuinely trying to take stock in what to do to grow and improve, then truthfully listing the things that went wrong...for both of you...can be very healthy. On the other hand, no one benefits from mean spirited comments. And, I had a question. Is there a reason why Men and Women's topics are separated and restricted?
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RE: Former Relationships - 7/25/2008 11:18:22 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3466
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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Yep. If you're a guy, you don't belong here in the answering part.  There are many, many threads where we discuss things together and just a few restricted threads. On this one, you may ask a question, but only women may answer. men have a similar thread. Then, there are threads that are completely restricted to gender.
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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