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RE: The Meet Market - 7/29/2008 10:49:33 PM
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kj88il
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michelle......i joined the farmersonly site last night. had 2 dozen roses and 3 emails this evening. that's more 'action' than i got on christian cafe! lol
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Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/29/2008 10:52:38 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
I haven't experienced this or had anyone who did. But I agree with having one person move and I personally don't believe that the woman should move ... but rather the man. I don't have any scripture or anything concerning it - I just think the man should continue to pursue - rather than the woman. I don't think it should be something entered into lightly - but I do think that if you've been dating someone for a while and you are considering marriage, I think it is wise for you both to live in the same city for a while (or fairly close to one another) so that you can see that person often - if not on a daily basis. You need to be able to see how they react to daily life - I think. That way you can really get to know the person a lot better. And even if it doesn't work out - I think it is better to find that out prior to marriage than afterwards. And I do think it is wise to move after you've found a job rather than before (unless of course, you've got the finances to be able to withstand several months of unemployment before you find a job). In taking the risk of moving, finding a job, apartment etc. beforehand I think are a couple of the things that you can do to minimize the risk.
The question of who moves also has to take into account the financial aspect. (ignoring my unique considerations with the Girl for the moment) For example. I hold a lucrative position with a very healthy pension. It would be a major financial blunder for me to move as I could not rebuild my pension working for another organization and could not attain anything approaching my salary after a relocation. So for the financial health of the marriage it's best that she moves here. So "who moves" has got to be taken on a case by case basis accounting for the ages of the people involved. If I were in my young twenties and not yet established. Moving would be no problem. But as the potential husband it is my duty to provide for my family. I can easily do that here and may not be able to do that elsewhere.
Secondly, M and I never lived in the same town until we were married. We had 18 years together before God took her home. The day to day living is easy to deal with if you know the major issues are all compatible as our were. So she threw her towel on the floor after a shower, Would that be worth foregoing a lifetime of happiness together for? I don't think so.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/29/2008 11:04:15 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 1823
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
I haven't experienced this or had anyone who did. But I agree with having one person move and I personally don't believe that the woman should move ... but rather the man. I don't have any scripture or anything concerning it - I just think the man should continue to pursue - rather than the woman. I don't think it should be something entered into lightly - but I do think that if you've been dating someone for a while and you are considering marriage, I think it is wise for you both to live in the same city for a while (or fairly close to one another) so that you can see that person often - if not on a daily basis. You need to be able to see how they react to daily life - I think. That way you can really get to know the person a lot better. And even if it doesn't work out - I think it is better to find that out prior to marriage than afterwards. And I do think it is wise to move after you've found a job rather than before (unless of course, you've got the finances to be able to withstand several months of unemployment before you find a job). In taking the risk of moving, finding a job, apartment etc. beforehand I think are a couple of the things that you can do to minimize the risk.
I completeley disagree that across the board, the husband should move. It completely depends. I know a man who owns a local business, so his wife had to move here, it only makes sense. Also, if the man is in the military, the wife is going to be the one following him. In fact, if the wife wants to stay home, and the husband is established, than it will make more sense for the wife to move. For certain reasons, and at certain times, there may be a reason for the husband to move, but not always. And sometimes people already live in the same town, and some people pick a new location all together. it just depends.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/29/2008 11:15:04 PM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 360
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
I think it is interesting that the courts decided to grant the woman money concerning the lawsuit. It isn't a contractual thing I would think ...
Hmmmm ... yes, that is interesting. Wonder what the winning argument was?
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/30/2008 7:45:05 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1740
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You know...
GP1 and The Beau are pretty soon going to have to face this decision of who moves. John, he IS in his twenties, so the finances might actually be improved for him to move to TX but there are other concerns (not just his parents, though that's certainly a factor).
Anyway, I just thought I'd point out that at this point we are all having to wait on God for more information concerning who moves...though my daughter moved to KY for the summer so they could spend face time with each other: that was because her job is more flexible in the summer, allowing her to do that.
Here are a few of the things they have to consider when deciding:
1. Both of them are very close to their families. The Beau's family in particular has gotten very manipulative and bizarre over "losing" him, and he wants to reconcile if at all possible. Moving 1300 miles away is not going to be conducive to that.
Our family is without a father...I have depended on GP1 for her help for many years and all 5 of us are very close. She doesn't want to leave if she doesn't have to...but in this case it would be much easier for her to move than for him.
2. He has a steady, established job in his area of passion and calling there already, but it doesn't pay enough to support a family. His area is economically depressed so it's very likely he could find better opportunities here. GP1 has a steady, established job here in her area of passion and calling, but with the addition that it's also a major mission field within her calling and the place she works is highly unique. Moving to KY, she'd have to build her own if she was going to continue to do what she is so very, very good at. But she can envision God calling her to do that.
3. GP1 has always had a church family and networking to support her. But The Beau is just now learning about putting down roots into a church family and a community and he's getting comfortable with it: something his bizarre family has cheated him out of. Would it really be right for us to ask him to move away from those relationships now? This is an incredibly important thing for him spiritually. Of course they can rebuild one wherever they decide to go to church and GP1 can help him learn how to do that...in addition he'd walk into one already established here...but that may not be best.
I don't think it's very clear which is the right thing for them to do. Therefore I conclude that it's not always right for the guy to move. The couple has to follow God as hard as they can. We are trusting God that when the right time comes He'll make it clear what they are to do...and it wouldn't surprise me in the least that God's solution would included neither of the choices we are considering!
besiderself
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/30/2008 10:41:41 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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From: WA
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quote:
Both of them are very close to their families. The Beau's family in particular has gotten very manipulative and bizarre over "losing" him, and he wants to reconcile if at all possible. Moving 1300 miles away is not going to be conducive to that. It might be the best thing for their marriage, should they get married, though. Living close to a manipulative family is not good for newlyweds, IMO.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/30/2008 11:11:57 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1740
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
quote:
Both of them are very close to their families. The Beau's family in particular has gotten very manipulative and bizarre over "losing" him, and he wants to reconcile if at all possible. Moving 1300 miles away is not going to be conducive to that. It might be the best thing for their marriage, should they get married, though. Living close to a manipulative family is not good for newlyweds, IMO.
Agreed.
besiderself
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Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/2/2008 9:16:54 AM
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humbleinspirit
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I joined Christian Mingle this past week. I still need to fill out more details though.
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/2/2008 10:16:13 AM
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trainfan
Posts: 2733
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John_O and OOHJ took my answer. Moving for me would not be practical either since I own my own business. I would have to meet someone local or a woman who was willing to move.
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/2/2008 3:09:46 PM
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hogpharmer
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This seems to fit into this subject...say you meet someone online and you live very far away from each other (think AR and HI). How do you get to know each other really well? Emails, talking on the phone, I know. But are there other ways? Talking to each others friends, family?
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/2/2008 4:41:28 PM
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mutinywxgirl
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(contact Above_All and sharonjef2007 about this - Above_All (Trishy) is in HI and her soon to be husband was in Phoenix at the time, and Sharon was in Baltimore while her soon to be husband was in Iraq. It CAN be done!!!!!!!)
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long distance - 8/2/2008 9:52:52 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
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Yes, and The Beau and GP1 (my daughter) started their relationship with him in Kentucky and her here in Texas.
Webcam is a great asset.
Besiderself
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RE: long distance - 8/3/2008 12:03:44 AM
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hogpharmer
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Thank you guys for letting me know about these examples.
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RE: long distance - 8/3/2008 1:17:46 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 5063
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From: Dr Pepper Country
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I think re: the long distance thing...like the case w/ Johnno and Trainfan...they are unable to move due to life circumstances. So obviously, a lady in the same situation would not be a good match for said person. You don't have to do any moving right away but keeping those circumstances in mind would be a good idea to make sure you don't hit a brick wall down the road....
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RE: long distance - 8/3/2008 4:37:30 AM
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Above_All
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Every couple will have their own unique circumstances in regards to moving. Also, G-d can work in very unexpected ways. Unless moving is strictly based on your circumstances, G-d can open doors if His plans call Him to. When it comes to meeting for the first time though, I personally think the man should visit first.
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/3/2008 8:21:18 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
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Thank you so much for posting, Sharonjef;
I am going to ask my GP1 and The Beau if they would like to comment on this, too. I think they'd be glad to input their experience from their perspective for you and for the benefit of others on this thread, hogpharmer.
besiderself
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Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
Shallbe's Batty Belfry
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/3/2008 8:56:07 PM
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Above_All
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I should answer here too even though I PM'd a few people so far...
For John and I, we were were talking on the forums for about a few months before we started IMing each other. I knew he was interested in me so I confronted him with that from the very beginning of IMing and just straight out asked him if he was interested in me. I don't believe in just casually guessing things. If I have a feeling then I will be open from the beginning so that there is no confusion. After that yes, he was interested I decided that I was interested enough to be open about it as well.
I live in Hawaii and he lived in Arizona. We communicated in various ways but the best way was through web cam and voice...Skype. He ended up moving here because I am the only child and he felt it was best to be close to my parents just in case something happened. Both of his parents are deceased and he wanted to respect my parents by being here for them if they needed us.
It has been a smooth time for us. As you can see between me and Sharon's situation, every couple is different. It is worth the extra time and effort. Meeting online has extra layers but it's a great way to meet people if done correctly.
< Message edited by Above_All -- 8/4/2008 1:45:13 PM >
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/3/2008 9:15:20 PM
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sharonjef2007
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You are right Trish...it is different for each person and each couple. I know for myself......I think God moved me out here for several reasons. While yeah, I miss being on the coast and near the water and such, what I REALLY miss is my family and friends. But, If I had stayed tehre, and Ray had moved to the east coast, our relationship may not have grown the way it should have. In fact, I would bet money that we would not have made it as a couple. I would not have had or made the time the relationship required. God had some other things to work out in me as well that probably would not have happened back at home.
As several people here will tell you, the whole process of getting into this relationship with Ray along with moving and even this first year here has not been easy. In fact, we actually coined a new term......sharonesque freak out......
Hopefully those days are over. I trust God with my life (even though I don't always understand or like His choices for me) and I love a man now more then I ever thought I could. He loves me too. And that trifecta of love will get me through anything.....even being surrounded by miles and miles of corn or 6 month long winters. And....who knew that God could take care of my family and friends....and that I didn't have to be the one to do it!!!!!! I still have a lot to learn I guess.
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/4/2008 10:18:58 AM
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gaylel1
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I still think that Christian men should take the lead to leave their surrounding and not having the burden to the woman all the time. While the two examples are the exeception to the rule (please do not get on me or have fits of anger when I post this). there are stories of disapointment by women who had their hopes dashed leaving no prospects for employment nor no money. And as times as it is now with the unemployment situation in many cities now, there is no guarantee that no one will take care of you when the relationship ends. I know a lot of people who had their time and even their savings gone because of something that would not work.
And if a man does not step out on faith to move out of his surroundings, something is wrong.
LDR's are good, but people need to also to face reality and not face disapointment and have a plan once the dream ends.
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/4/2008 6:40:05 PM
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sharonjef2007
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I also agree Gayle....!!! People need to be wise in their decisions. Had God not provided a fantastic job that pays great and a nice apartment and other things down the line, I would not be here. In Ray's and my case, God wanted me to make the move.
But, Ray still took the lead in our relationship. He did the persuing. And, God opened the doors to allow us to be together. However, I have seen people make poor decisions as well. I think Trish summarized it well with:
quote:
We moved by faith into the relationship without knowing what would have happened and because of that, we were able enjoy ourselves and make good decisions at the same time. You are right in that it takes a balance of both faith AND wisdom when it comes to LDRs.
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RE: The Meet Market - 8/5/2008 12:41:36 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
I still think that Christian men should take the lead to leave their surrounding and not having the burden to the woman all the time. While the two examples are the exeception to the rule (please do not get on me or have fits of anger when I post this). there are stories of disapointment by women who had their hopes dashed leaving no prospects for employment nor no money. And as times as it is now with the unemployment situation in many cities now, there is no guarantee that no one will take care of you when the relationship ends. I know a lot of people who had their time and even their savings gone because of something that would not work.
And if a man does not step out on faith to move out of his surroundings, something is wrong.
LDR's are good, but people need to also to face reality and not face disapointment and have a plan once the dream ends.
It is right and wise to have a plan. A woman should not move unless she is secure in the move (Like Sharon was with a job and housing etc all in place). Moving and expecting the guy to provide without being married is mostly foolish in my opinion.
M and I talked on the phone for a year (along with many visits back and forth, mostly me coming here). I moved to her because I knew I could transfer my job to her. I had no other family ties at that time. We had built our relationship Long distance to the point where it was strong and healthy enough for us to get married before the move.
I would not want someone to move to be with me unless we were already married. My goal is for my future wife to be safe and secure and provided for. That's part of my job as the husband. I can't do that if she moves and we are just dating. KWIM?
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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Just for clarification purposes if you read my previous post again, John did the moving not me. But his move was not based on gender reasons at all.