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RE: never been in a relationship - 6/14/2007 11:57:02 AM
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hispen
Posts: 65
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quote:
ORIGINAL: budd624
Many years ago, I only wanted to date the one person that I was going to marry. I've only dated 2 women and I ended up marrying my first girlfriend 15 years later at the age of 31!
Thanks for sharing.
I too have had this same desire since returning to the Lord 17 years ago. In that time I've only dated one person and that was because I really, really thought he would wind up (after much spiritual growth) my husband.
When things ended I beat myself up for a bit because I dated him and he turned out not to be mine, but I've since gained the strength to forgive myself, especially after realizing that my Savior already had.
Now after learing so many lessons from dating that one perosn, I still have the desire to "only date my husband," but I realize that one or two dates is okay if the purpose is to determine courtship and the parties involved are both active believers.
_____________________________
His Pen
"The Spirit of the LORD spake by me, and his word was in my tongue." II Samuel 23:2
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RE: Why? - 10/21/2007 8:50:49 PM
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peridotfairy
Posts: 3
Joined: 8/12/2007
From: WV
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I've never had a boyfriend, been kissed, amd still a virgin and every day I start to find out how precious it is. Though I do long for a companion he will not take me away from God, so yeah you are not alone. 
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RE: Why? - 10/22/2007 12:57:13 AM
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LabGuy
Posts: 3415
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From: NW Pennsylvania
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Whoa, somebody dusted this thread off from a while back I see.
I'll chime in - 37 and never had a (romantic) relationship. Only two semi-dates in my life. I look at it this way - God had a lot of work to do on me. I'm talking from the ground-level of my being sort of work. And I haven't been the most cooperative lump of clay. But He kept at it, reshaping me, and I'm starting to feel like maybe it's getting close to time for something to happen. I dunno. However it goes, His purpose will be served, and that's what's best for me. (But yeah, I would like someone to share life with!)
-Robb
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RE: Why? - 10/22/2007 11:56:26 AM
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embracing_sonship
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OK, I have a question about this whole "waiting for God to mold me into a good spouse" subject. While I do agree that it is best to allow God to mold us into a good spouse, I wonder sometimes if we are fooling ourselves. I've seen countless people who, at the time they got married, were a complete mess, but once they got married, found out who they were in Christ. The Bible does say that two are stronger than one.
I feel like we are all waiting to become this perfect sense of who God wants us to be. I understand God sometimes speaks directly to us to wait, and to let Him mold us. But I wonder if we wait too long, and use the excuse of not getting any dates as a way to say God is preparing us.
Let me ask it this way...Do you think poor people tell themselves that perhaps they aren't ready to handle money yet, that God hasn't made them into the right person to handle those responsibilities? I don't think so!! And while it isn't a guarantee that all poor people will some day become prosperous, I believe God wants the best for them. Sometimes, it is in God's best interest (and ideally, that person's best interest) that somebody stay poor, as that person is more affective as a Christian that way. In the same sense, it is with those who are single.
I really think we all lack in one of two things: knowing God's purpose for our lives (single or married) or we know God's purpose, and we are dishonoring Him in not doing our best to fulfill that purpose. I know I personally struggle with #1. I have a pretty good idea that God wants me to be married someday, but I'm not 100% sure, so I struggle with #2. Believe me, if I really knew God's will, I'd do all I could to bring it about.
_____________________________
''Any time you have an opportunity to make a difference
in this world and you don't, then you are wasting your
time on Earth.'' - Roberto Clemente
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RE: Why? - 10/22/2007 4:42:56 PM
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LabGuy
Posts: 3415
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From: NW Pennsylvania
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quote:
ORIGINAL: embracing_sonship
OK, I have a question about this whole "waiting for God to mold me into a good spouse" subject. While I do agree that it is best to allow God to mold us into a good spouse, I wonder sometimes if we are fooling ourselves. I've seen countless people who, at the time they got married, were a complete mess, but once they got married, found out who they were in Christ. The Bible does say that two are stronger than one.
I feel like we are all waiting to become this perfect sense of who God wants us to be. I understand God sometimes speaks directly to us to wait, and to let Him mold us. But I wonder if we wait too long, and use the excuse of not getting any dates as a way to say God is preparing us.
Well I know in my case, I haven't been consciously waiting for God to mold me before seeking a spouse. The work He's been doing in me is a separate issue, and may even have required me being alone to focus my attention on God. As I've said in other threads, I think God is more concerned with molding us into the image of Christ than anything else. (Which also makes for better relationships, too!)
-Robb
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RE: Why? - 10/22/2007 5:24:31 PM
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iDOworship
Posts: 37
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: TN by way of MI
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I agree Labguy.
36 & never been in a relationship... Couple of infatuations in college and 2 attempts to start a "relationship" in the past ummm 10 yrs but neither made it past 3 months.
But I've actually reached a place of contentment in this area. Hasn't always been this way though, I was living in a lot of fear back in those days and as the scripture says "fear has torment." I think those of us that are past that age of expectancy when we expected to be in a relationship by now or expected to be married w/2.5 children by now get caught up i a lot of fear and anxiousness. Our society propagates that there is something "wrong" with you if you are A)not in a relationship, B) never be in a relationship or C) choosing to wait/practice abstinence. It's everywhere, in the music we hear, on TV, at our work place, at the movies, even (some) CHURCHes that look at you as an "old maid" (ladies) if you haven't gotten anyone's attention.
It all builds anxiety and fear that we're being denied something that everyone else has. It was a struggle but I finally reached the point where I realized God loves me and doesn't play games with my heart. He knows what's best and if my trust in Him is only fueled by what He's done for me then I've got some pretty shallow faith. I trust Him now because He can be trusted!
_____________________________
The Kingdom of God is nigh you, even in your heart!
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RE: Why? - 10/22/2007 5:58:24 PM
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LabGuy
Posts: 3415
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From: NW Pennsylvania
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iDOworship
It all builds anxiety and fear that we're being denied something that everyone else has. It was a struggle but I finally reached the point where I realized God loves me and doesn't play games with my heart. He knows what's best and if my trust in Him is only fueled by what He's done for me then I've got some pretty shallow faith. I trust Him now because He can be trusted!
Amen to that. If God wants me to be single, then I know that's what's best for me.
I do confess though that I find myself more and more desiring someone to share life with. I've gone from "Yeah, that would be nice" to being intentional about it (taking a few baby steps even). And it feels right. (I've been praying about it for some time, considering the relevant passages of Scripture, talking it over, even asking the desire to be taken away if it isn't in God's will for me.) I figure God is just taking me down a new path on life's journey. Even if it doesn't lead to anything (though I hope it does) it will serve His purpose and shape me more.
-Robb
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RE: Why? - 10/22/2007 6:04:37 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12885
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From: west coast of FL
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Now I HAVE been in more than my share of relationships, and it was this past one (over a year ago now) that makes me want to have that special connection once again.
I have prayed much like those in here - for God to take away this desire, but it only seems to be getting stronger. I think losing my family is making me desire to have a family of my own.
As I rapidly approach 47, realize that all relationships are there to help you grow and learn more about you, and even when you're not in one, you are growing as well.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Why? - 10/22/2007 6:34:33 PM
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shemaromans
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Perhaps you've heard of a man named George Matheson. At one point in his life, he was engaged to be married. Shortly after the engagement formalities, the doctors told him that he would lose his vision--which had been poor since birth--permanently. When he relayed this information to his fiance, she broke off the engagement, claiming that she didn't want to live her life with a blind man. She devastated him.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity, Matheson wrote a hymn in five minutes called "O Love That Will Not Let Me Go" in praise of God's unceasing love. Here's the first verse:
"O love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be."
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Why? - 10/23/2007 5:31:37 PM
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manda_24
Posts: 17
Joined: 12/13/2005
From: Indiana
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I'm 21 and never dated or been kissed. I've kinda been on a date, I don't really consider it one. I thought we were going to a group thing, well it wasn't so I was stuck with the slightly creepy guy for a few hours, that was interesting. He asked if I wanted to do this again and I had to tell him I wasn't interested. After that he kept sitting by me in church, like really close, and always talking to me trying to get me to go out with him again. It's still really awkward for me to be around him.
Right now I'm ok with not having dated anyone, it's getting harder with 3 of my 4 roommates getting engaged this past year and getting married this summer. I figure if it's meant to happen it will eventually, though it is hard to be patient at times.
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RE: Why? - 10/23/2007 10:58:59 PM
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swimkid
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it's not a bad thing. I've been in a few relationships, and let me say I'm envious of those not having to deal with the baggage and go through the healing that comes with dysfunctional relationships. Better to never have been in one at all, then one that leaves you feeling like you just came out of a meat grinder. 
_____________________________
Letting go of the mountain view
Letting go but what into?
If you want to know my story, just ask me, and I'll tell you that I'm lovesick.
Sometimes I wish Jesus wasn't the only one who understood me...
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RE: Why? - 10/23/2007 11:51:41 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 5989
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(((swimkid))) sounds like you've had a rough day! (I read another post you just left)
Relationships are good ... even if they are bad. Let me explain why I say that. If they are good, well, we all know what that means. But if they are bad, you still come out of the relationship having learned something. And believe me when I say God will always use the bad for His good! He has an amazing way of working things out. The key here is to trust in Him (hence my name here). Pray intentionally that He use your experiences for His good and you will be amazed by the path He takes you down.
I have always chosen to never have regrets ... rather, I look at everything as a learning experience.
_____________________________
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Why? - 10/24/2007 12:33:48 PM
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swimkid
Posts: 23
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SamTrustsGod
(((swimkid))) sounds like you've had a rough day! (I read another post you just left)
Relationships are good ... even if they are bad. Let me explain why I say that. If they are good, well, we all know what that means. But if they are bad, you still come out of the relationship having learned something. And believe me when I say God will always use the bad for His good! He has an amazing way of working things out. The key here is to trust in Him (hence my name here). Pray intentionally that He use your experiences for His good and you will be amazed by the path He takes you down.
I have always chosen to never have regrets ... rather, I look at everything as a learning experience.
oh believe me, I have learned so much from these experiences. God is the best teacher! (John 14:26) Sorry if I just sounded all depressed and cynical... I guess internet loses a bit of the nuances. God has definitely healed me and blessed me through these experiences, but alot of the healing was very painful, and it was a long road.... my point was just why go through that if you don't have to? Better to keep your heart intact in the first place, then to have to sit there and have God try and put all the pieces back together. KWIM? I don't know... I regret some of the things that have happened in the past, but don't know if I would change them... because of what God has done through them... and it's just the journey I'm on. I learned the way I learned, but the important thing is... I actually learned. =)
I was meaning it more as an encouragement to those who have never been in a relationship... you're not weird or socially inept or whatever. I think it is great! You don't have go through some of the things I went through. And I meant it also as people who have been in relationships aren't going to look at you like, what's wrong with you how come you haven't been in a relationship?
I sort of put myself in that same category... because I haven't been in a relationship since I started following the Lord. So I have no idea what to do, I honestly feel like I am totally starting over... God's way (and that's a good thing) because I've never had a God centered non-dysfunctional relationsihp. So I feel in the same boat really. I feel like I'm in high school sometimes. Oh gosh... a boy?! Now what do I do *giggle*
haha.
_____________________________
Letting go of the mountain view
Letting go but what into?
If you want to know my story, just ask me, and I'll tell you that I'm lovesick.
Sometimes I wish Jesus wasn't the only one who understood me...
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RE: Why? - 10/25/2007 9:47:14 PM
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JeremyFromTexas
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Joined: 10/25/2007
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Im 27yrs old and just broke it off with a girl whom I was talking to online. As for a "relationship," I can honestly say, Ive never had one. Im at the point in my life where its like hey God, I know she's out there, but if your not ready for me to see her, then Im cool with that.
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RE: Why? - 10/25/2007 10:05:30 PM
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LovinMyLord
Posts: 21
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
The work He's been doing in me is a separate issue, and may even have required me being alone to focus my attention on God. As I've said in other threads, I think God is more concerned with molding us into the image of Christ than anything else. (Which also makes for better relationships, too!)
-Robb
I not only agree with this ... completely... But, I think taking several threads that most of us have been participating in, we could really see a breakthrough in, and towards peace.
Peace and contentment in the knowledge that single or not, God is working on us. Focusing on that is the key to the most important relationship of all... the one with God.
... Forgive me for the deviation of the thread topic,... LabGuy, I just couldn't pass this by without pulling it out.
-Thanks.
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RE: Why? - 10/25/2007 11:20:15 PM
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LabGuy
Posts: 3415
Joined: 9/22/2007
From: NW Pennsylvania
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LovinMyLord
Peace and contentment in the knowledge that single or not, God is working on us. Focusing on that is the key to the most important relationship of all... the one with God.
Right. It's been interesting for me the past few months. I've been feeling more content overall (first time in a long while), but at the same time more hopeful that my singleness won't go on indefinitely, that God has something in store for me. Guess it just goes to show that contentment does not mean giving up hope!
-Robb
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RE: Why? - 10/26/2007 8:18:10 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6384
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
quote:
ORIGINAL: LovinMyLord
Peace and contentment in the knowledge that single or not, God is working on us. Focusing on that is the key to the most important relationship of all... the one with God.
Right. It's been interesting for me the past few months. I've been feeling more content overall (first time in a long while), but at the same time more hopeful that my singleness won't go on indefinitely, that God has something in store for me. Guess it just goes to show that contentment does not mean giving up hope!
-Robb
AMEN!
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RE: Why? - 10/26/2007 9:29:33 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8064
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quote:
ORIGINAL: swimkid
I sort of put myself in that same category... because I haven't been in a relationship since I started following the Lord. So I have no idea what to do, I honestly feel like I am totally starting over... God's way (and that's a good thing) because I've never had a God centered non-dysfunctional relationsihp. So I feel in the same boat really. I feel like I'm in high school sometimes. Oh gosh... a boy?! Now what do I do *giggle*
Boy do I understand this. Last time I dated I was lost. So now that M has gone home I end up starting over again ina different world, with different motivations, and incredibly different circumstances. ( I'm pretty sure "Hey baby what's your sign?" wouldn't quite cut it anymore )
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why? - 10/28/2007 6:22:34 PM
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LovinMyLord
Posts: 21
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: swimkid
I sort of put myself in that same category... because I haven't been in a relationship since I started following the Lord. So I have no idea what to do, I honestly feel like I am totally starting over... God's way (and that's a good thing) because I've never had a God centered non-dysfunctional relationsihp. So I feel in the same boat really. I feel like I'm in high school sometimes. Oh gosh... a boy?! Now what do I do *giggle*
Boy do I understand this. Last time I dated I was lost. So now that M has gone home I end up starting over again ina different world, with different motivations, and incredibly different circumstances. ( I'm pretty sure "Hey baby what's your sign?" wouldn't quite cut it anymore )
Wow... I missed this the first time through.. but how true it is...
Starting over...with kids, having been married before, and doing it with purity, purpose...and the ever present requirement of ... PATIENCE.
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RE: Why? - 10/29/2007 5:17:09 PM
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Rambo1799
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Joined: 10/26/2007
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I would recommend that everyone focus on becoming that special person for someone else as opposed to finding that special person for yourself. At the same time ask God to fulfill your desires for His glory, or to take them away and reveal His desire for your life 
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RE: never been in a relationship - 8/1/2008 12:25:29 AM
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Odile
Posts: 56
Joined: 7/15/2007
From: Northeast USA
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This was the first post I ever read on the forums. It really encouraged me in that I could so very well relate to the original post and most of the replies. I'm curious, more than a year later, where each of you find yourself relationally. Have you met someone? Are you still single? Has singleness become harder or easier to accept? ETC......
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RE: never been in a relationship - 8/1/2008 5:09:19 AM
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ebony101
Posts: 913
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
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I thought that I was the only one. Wonder how come I never saw this post.
I'm 35+ and have only been on a handful of dates (no more than 3 or 4). I was quite content until my last relationship. However, I am enjoying being single doing all the stuff that I can enjoy doing now before I have to consider 2 people instead of 1.
I have to agree with what one crosswalker said in an earlier post though: As you grow older you tend to wonder more, and you can get to feeling a bit whimsical however, I always remember : God takes his time, yet works with speed.
& His timing is not our timing. I don't think these were taken from the Bible, but they do remind me that God never lets anything happen before its time.
I saw a bumper sticker recently that made me smile:
Get Married! Why? I haven't done anything wrong.
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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