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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/8/2008 4:51:24 PM
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BelovedHandMaiden
Posts: 4166
Joined: 3/17/2007
From: Tennessee
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God's accuracy may be observed in the hatching of eggs.
For example, the eggs of the potato bug hatch in 7 days;
Those of the canary in 14 days;
Those of the barnyard hen in 21 days.
The eggs of ducks and geese hatch in 28 days;
Those of the mallard in 35 days.
The eggs of the parrot and the ostrich hatch in 42 days.
(Notice, they are all divisible by Seven).
God's wisdom is seen in the making of an elephant.
The four legs of this great beast all bend forward in the same
direction.
No other Quadruped is so made.
God planned that this animal would have a huge body,
too large to live on two legs.
For this reason He gave it four fulcrums so that it
can rise from the ground easily.
The horse rises from the ground on its two front legs first.
A cow rises from the ground with its two hind legs first.
How wise the Lord is in all His works of creation!
God's wisdom is revealed in His arrangement of sections and segments,
as well as in the number of grains.
Each watermelon has an even number of strips on the rind.
Each orange has an even number of segments.
Each ear of corn has an even number of rows.
Each stalk of wheat has an even number of grains.
Every bunch of bananas has on its lowest row an even number
of bananas, and each row decreases by one, so that one row
has an even number and the next row an odd number.
The waves of the sea roll In on shore twenty-six to the minute
in all kinds of weather.
All grains are found in even numbers on the stalks
The Lord specified Thirtyfold, sixtyfold, and a hundredfold - all
even numbers.
God has caused the flowers to blossom at certain specified
times during the day, so that Linneus, the great botanist, once
said that if he had a conservatory containing the right kind of soil,
moisture and temperature, he could tell the time of day or night
by the flowers that were open and those that were closed!
Thus the Lord in His wonderful grace can arrange the life that
is entrusted to His care in such a way that it will carry out His
purposes and plans, and will be fragrant with His presence.
Only the God-planned life is successful. Only the life given
over to the care of the Lord is safe.
*Author unknown
_____________________________
The Rapture -- true separation of church and state.
<--So blessed!!!
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/9/2008 11:39:13 AM
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Smokymtnsanta
Posts: 13499
Joined: 6/13/2006
From: The North
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The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
_____________________________
Visit www.smokymountainsanta.com
Cookie Recipes: http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/cat0001.html
The place to be in the Smokies: www.hiddenmountain.com
CHRISTmas time's a comin'
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/9/2008 1:14:53 PM
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Smokymtnsanta
Posts: 13499
Joined: 6/13/2006
From: The North
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More wisdom of Larry the cable guy:
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
_____________________________
Visit www.smokymountainsanta.com
Cookie Recipes: http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/cat0001.html
The place to be in the Smokies: www.hiddenmountain.com
CHRISTmas time's a comin'
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/10/2008 1:45:03 PM
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Smokymtnsanta
Posts: 13499
Joined: 6/13/2006
From: The North
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I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope
these words can help you see that God will never give
up on you........
Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you Happiness.
Bad days give you Experiences.
Both are essential to life.
Keep going...
Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going!
Have a great day! The Son is shining!!
God is so big He can cover the whole world with his
Love and so small.................He can curl up inside your heart!!
_____________________________
Visit www.smokymountainsanta.com
Cookie Recipes: http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/cat0001.html
The place to be in the Smokies: www.hiddenmountain.com
CHRISTmas time's a comin'
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/14/2008 7:32:01 PM
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BelovedHandMaiden
Posts: 4166
Joined: 3/17/2007
From: Tennessee
Status: offline
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I read this little story somewhere and thought I would share it.
A Mother was sitting at the dinner table with her 4-yr old son. He was pushing his food around his plate and not eating. The Mother knew that he had not eaten much during the day and needed to eat. When she asked him what was wrong, he told her... "God didn't make me to like broccoli." The Mother looked back at her child in love and said... "Son, God may have made you to not like broccoli, but He did make you to be obedient."
How many times has God told us to do something and our response was... Aww, God, I really don't want to do that! We need to remember to be obedient to God in all things. His commandments are not suggestions. When we are obedient to Him, we are much happier.
_____________________________
The Rapture -- true separation of church and state.
<--So blessed!!!
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/14/2008 10:30:37 PM
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MyCatSmokey2006
Posts: 3111
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BelovedHandMaiden
I read this little story somewhere and thought I would share it.
A Mother was sitting at the dinner table with her 4-yr old son. He was pushing his food around his plate and not eating. The Mother knew that he had not eaten much during the day and needed to eat. When she asked him what was wrong, he told her... "God didn't make me to like broccoli." The Mother looked back at her child in love and said... "Son, God may have made you to not like broccoli, but He did make you to be obedient."
How many times has God told us to do something and our response was... Aww, God, I really don't want to do that! We need to remember to be obedient to God in all things. His commandments are not suggestions. When we are obedient to Him, we are much happier.
Isn't that the truth!
_____________________________
Melissa
<----Cyber Kitty!
Pray and Rejoice, God is in control!
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/15/2008 12:07:29 PM
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Smokymtnsanta
Posts: 13499
Joined: 6/13/2006
From: The North
Status: offline
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DEAR GOD:
I want to thank
You for what you
have already
done. I am not
going to wait
until I see
results or
receive rewards;
I am thanking
you right now.
I am not going
to wait until I
feel better or
things look
better; I am
thanking you
right now.
I am not going
to wait until
people say they
are sorry or
until they stop
talking about
me; I am
thanking you
right now..
I am not going
to wait until
the pain in my
body disappears
; I am thanking
you right now.
I am not going
to wait until my
financial
situation
improves; I am
going to thank
you right now.
I am not going
to wait until
the children are
asleep and the
house is quiet;
I am going to
thank you right
now.
I am not going
to wait until I
get promoted at
work or until I
get the job; I
am going to
thank you right
now.
I am not going
to wait until I
understand every
experience in my
life that has
caused me pain
or grief; I am
thanking you
right now.
I am not going
to wait until
the journey gets
easier or the
challenges are
removed, I am
thanking you
right now.
I am thanking
you because I am
alive. I am
thanking you
because I made
it through the
day's
difficulties. I
am thanking you
because I have
walked around
the obstacles.
I am thanking
you because I
have the ability
and the
opportunity to
do more and do
better.
I' m thanking
you because
FATHER, YOU
haven't given up
on me.
God is just so
good, and he's
good all the
time.
_____________________________
Visit www.smokymountainsanta.com
Cookie Recipes: http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/cat0001.html
The place to be in the Smokies: www.hiddenmountain.com
CHRISTmas time's a comin'
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/15/2008 1:59:30 PM
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Smokymtnsanta
Posts: 13499
Joined: 6/13/2006
From: The North
Status: offline
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You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For
those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and
I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at
my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.
What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
C OSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A few days later:
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START
_____________________________
Visit www.smokymountainsanta.com
Cookie Recipes: http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/cat0001.html
The place to be in the Smokies: www.hiddenmountain.com
CHRISTmas time's a comin'
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/16/2008 11:06:28 PM
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Kerrlaw
Posts: 9085
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
Status: offline
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Very funny Santa.
_____________________________
That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/16/2008 11:10:34 PM
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BelovedHandMaiden
Posts: 4166
Joined: 3/17/2007
From: Tennessee
Status: offline
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Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a 'show and tell' assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, 'My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David.'
The second student got up in front of the class and said, 'My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary.'
The third student got in up front of the class and said, 'My name is Tommy. I am a Baptist, and this is a casserole.'
_____________________________
The Rapture -- true separation of church and state.
<--So blessed!!!
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/16/2008 11:12:28 PM
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BelovedHandMaiden
Posts: 4166
Joined: 3/17/2007
From: Tennessee
Status: offline
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The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.
'I've had a pretty good life,' the twenty proclaimed. 'Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean .' 'Wow!' said the one-dollar bill. 'You've really had an exciting life!' 'So tell me,' says the twenty, 'where have you been throughout your lifetime?'
The one dollar bill replies, 'Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church , the Episcopalian church, the Presbyterian church, the Catholic Church, ...' The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, 'What's a church?'
_____________________________
The Rapture -- true separation of church and state.
<--So blessed!!!
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/16/2008 11:14:44 PM
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BelovedHandMaiden
Posts: 4166
Joined: 3/17/2007
From: Tennessee
Status: offline
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Nobody Believes Old People:
An elderly couple that were childhood sweethearts had married and
settled down in their old neighborhood. To celebrate their fiftieth
wedding anniversary they walk down the street to their old school.
There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where
he had carved 'I love you, Sally.'
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car
practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know
what to do with it so they take it home.
There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars.
The husband says, 'We've got to give it back.'
She says, 'Finders keepers' and she puts the money back in the bag and
hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood
looking for the money and show up at their home.< BR>
They say, 'Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out
of an armored car yesterday?'
She says, 'No.'
The husband says, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'
She says, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.'
But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says,
'Tell us the story from the beginning.'
The old man says, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school
yesterday...'
The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, 'We're outta here...'
_____________________________
The Rapture -- true separation of church and state.
<--So blessed!!!
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/17/2008 12:36:24 AM
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rogasinger4Him
Posts: 871
Joined: 5/1/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BelovedHandMaiden
The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.
'I've had a pretty good life,' the twenty proclaimed. 'Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean .' 'Wow!' said the one-dollar bill. 'You've really had an exciting life!' 'So tell me,' says the twenty, 'where have you been throughout your lifetime?'
The one dollar bill replies, 'Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church , the Episcopalian church, the Presbyterian church, the Catholic Church, ...' The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, 'What's a church?'
I like this story!! Just close enough to the truth to sting just a little. 
_____________________________
Psalm 108: 1-5
Psalm 146: 1-2
http://www.myspace.com/rogasinger4him
Dana
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/17/2008 2:05:51 PM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 10753
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
Status: offline
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LOT'S WIFE:
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
GOOD SAMARITAN:
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."
HIGHER POWER:
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
MOSES AND THE RED SEA :
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD:
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."
UNANSWERED PRAYER?
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.
BEING THANKFUL
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Tommy answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just then did!"
TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. "Yes, sir," the boy replied.
"And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.
"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS?
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, Why do you always add the part about all girls?"
Her response, "Because we always finish our prayers by saying 'All Men'!"
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." Said his mother.
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating, at our house"
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
Dance like no one is watching. If they are, who cares!
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/17/2008 9:41:24 PM
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Smokymtnsanta
Posts: 13499
Joined: 6/13/2006
From: The North
Status: offline
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Bread Facts
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
_____________________________
Visit www.smokymountainsanta.com
Cookie Recipes: http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/cat0001.html
The place to be in the Smokies: www.hiddenmountain.com
CHRISTmas time's a comin'
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RE: Inspirations From Santa - 9/18/2008 5:49:19 PM
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Smokymtnsanta
Posts: 13499
Joined: 6/13/2006
From: The North
Status: offline
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What is The One Flaw In Women
By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
'Why are you spending so much time on this one?'
And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
and she will do everything with only two hands.'
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish.'
But I won't, ' the Lord protested.
I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days.'
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
'But you have made her so soft, Lord.'
'She is soft,' the Lord agreed,
but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.'
'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
'Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate.'
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.'
'That's not a leak,'
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Abbott and Costello.
