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husband who doesn't financially provide - 9/21/2008 7:16:36 PM
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slh9398
Posts: 2
Joined: 9/21/2008
Status: offline
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I've been having an issue with my husband of 8 years. He has had several opportunities to provide a decent enough living for me and our daughter but all I get is the run around as to why he isn't taking the test he needs to for a good raise and to become full time at his job. I have always been the one to provide for us financially. I went to college he didn't. I worked all day and every weekend (until recently) and he doesn't. Which was fine by me while I was capable of doing so. We have a great marriage and get along with no fighting at all, and he is a great dad. But when it comes to this, he fails miserably. I'm agrivated beyond words at this point. His situation is fixable with a little effort on his part but it's like talking to a wall to get him to do it. I am pregnant. Almost 5 months now. I had to quit my manager job at an office supply store due to way too much stress and no way of avoiding heavy lifting. My boss was not very accomidating to my pregnancy among other problems of drama in the store. It was time for me to move on anyways, but I was sticking around because it was a good paying job miserable or not. I had a miscarriage in August of last year that I am pretty sure had to do with taking chances at work i shouldn't have. So I am being overly cautious this time. With all of that said, I have taken on a part time job at a jewelry store not making anything compared to my last salery. My husband actually makes more money than me now at his part time job! We bought a house a year ago. We are starting to fall behind on bills and I don't know why he doesn't seem to get stressed about that. He said he will ask his mom for some help. But that's not going to FIX our problem. He is still giving me the run around about doing what he needs to do to provide for his family. I'm afraid i am going to have to go find another full time carreer job and not be able to stay home with the new baby which is VERY important to me to be able to do.
Please if anyone has any advice as to what I should do or words of comfort I would love to hear them!!
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RE: husband who doesn't financially provide - 9/21/2008 8:14:52 PM
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delete123
Posts: 973
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline
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SLH~
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I know it is really hard BTDT with my first marriage. You didn't mention if your husband is a Christian or not. That is very important what he believes, so you can move him a long.
Not only that the bible is very clear, that a man who doesn't work shouldn't eat.
Is he afraid to advance? Is he afraid he will fail? You can also remind him, he can only fail if he fails to try.
I will pray for you tonight
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RE: husband who doesn't financially provide - 9/22/2008 1:30:44 AM
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slh9398
Posts: 2
Joined: 9/21/2008
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yes, he is a Christian just like me. We attend church regularly. I think part of it is that he is afraid to fail. He's one of those people who always has to be motivated and pushed into doing something before he'll do it. i'm always supportive to him and tell him he can do it. i agree with you ccompletly. he's failing because he won't try. i'm just at a loss of what to say to him anymore to nudge him into action. not being able to pay our bills just doesn't seem to bother him enough into doing anything. (you'd think that would trigger a reaction, but no....) i've started looking for jobs the past few days. but i'm afraid he'll think he's "won" and i'm just going to give in and let him pass up his opportunities and go back to work the way things were for such a long time. i WANT him to feel like the man of the house and feel proud because he's taking care of his family.
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RE: husband who doesn't financially provide - 9/23/2008 12:54:32 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 779
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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It doesn't bother your husband that you all are falling behind in bills,
you're pregnant and having to work{even though you suffered a miscarriage last year} he has no qualms about you heading back to work full time...
He will ask his mom for help... how interesting!
Why should he worry about bills or a keeping a place to stay when he knows he can push your buttons and his mom's --- Presto! You go running for a job and his mom forks over some money.
Stop caving in and allowing him to get away with such treatment!
It's time for him to grow up a bit and take care of his family steadily!
Put him on notice... give him a certain amount of time to get
things in good shape financially(and keep things steady) and if he doesn't, send him home to his mother!
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RE: husband who doesn't financially provide - 9/23/2008 4:43:18 AM
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vicbhe
Posts: 62
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
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1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
I can understand someone going through a downtime and struggling, but as you describe this, it is a ongoing thing and he is not owning up to his responsibilities. All those things you say about maybe he is afraid of failure etc..... does not the Bible repeatedly say "fear not"?
You shifted from pointing out the issue, which he is is not doing what he can to provide for his family to making excuses for him. I assure you he can make up his own excuses, no need to help him out.
Will he ever change? I’ve seen this many times before, chances are he will not. What should you do? I like what the other person said about sending him home to mother! If he isn't going to do his part then why should he eat at your table?
_____________________________
“You cannot improve your righteousness by tearing down the righteousness of others”. W.O. Vaught
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