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Teaching ds to be a leader, not a follower - 9/16/2008 3:49:09 PM
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csl7037
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I desperately need to find a way to impress this upon both of my kids (ds is 7 in 2nd, dd is 9 in 4th). But it's an issue right now, especially for ds. He has a first year teacher and I like her a lot! She's not young, has three kids in their 20's and one in 3rd grade, she's just new to teaching.
But she's also got exactly half of her class that's new to the school. It's a private Baptist school that, I guess, expects quite a different level of discipline than most of these kids seem to be used to. But it's not just the new kids, there are several (girls) who were here last year that are causing problems.
But, for my sake, I can only focus on the boys...there are only three boys who were here last year, my ds and two others. All three are very sweet, well behaved boys. The other two mothers and I (along with a couple of the girls' moms) are horrified by the way we see the others acting and how we're seeing our own acting. We're all three making a concerted effort to explain to our boys they need to be leaders and not followers. But none of them are really strong personalities, IMO. I need pointers.
The other two boys' moms and I (and two of the girls' moms) are planning to go to chapel tomorrow and every Wednesday as needed. And we had a field trip today and I stayed for lunch with ds (a few moms did but the others weren't at my table). Ds' friends must think he has the meanest mommy ever. I don't care.
Short of calling a "Mommy meeting" and telling these ladies to get their kids under control, how can we help this teacher reign this in?
The more time I spend around his class, the less impressed I am with the new boys he's spending his time with this year. And they're all about Pokemon all the time. I hate Pokemon! I can't believe it's even allowed at school and I've got to get ds off of this! I guess that's a whole separate topic.
Help!
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RE: Teaching ds to be a leader, not a follower - 9/17/2008 11:33:28 AM
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hoppersfan
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As far as teaching a child to be a leader, I think the best thing is to teach by example. Instilling those values at home is the best way to teach a child. I am very sure that you are doing that already. I talk with my children often about what I expect of them. I have no control over what they do at school, but you can bet that if I find out they are misbehaving, they will be punished. I have found that taking away privileges from my son is the best way to correct his misbehavior. Kids will be kids. Once they get away from you, they will do things you don't approve of. I am constantly reminding my kids what I expect of them.
As far as the other kids' behavior, you have no control over that. Their parents may have a different value system than you and you can't change that. You may not like Pokemon, but they do. That's their business. If their behavior was rubbing off on my child, I'd be having a talk with my child. You can't change the other child's behavior.
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RE: Teaching ds to be a leader, not a follower - 9/29/2008 3:26:46 PM
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mapachito13
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My 11 year old is more of a leader than my 7 year old. But I always made them responsible for their own behavior. I don't accept excuses like "I did this because so and so did it." They know what is acceptable behavior in a classroom. I am blessed that our public school thinks highly of discipline, in fact sometimes, I think certain teachers go overboard.
But withholding priviledges like TV, music (iPod), video games, going to the park, going to get ice cream or some other treat seems to get their attention. Children will have to learn how to act even when those around them are misbehaving. I've even taught my 7 year old what to do in case others are talking to them during class time. Role playing these situations at home helps.
Since you are witnessing this behavior firsthand, you must be one of the room parents (if so, good for you). Don't feel intimidated not to discipline your child in front of the teacher. If this makes you uncomfortable, do so at a break in the class or after class.
When you do have the conference with the teacher use verbage like, "I am trying to understand your personal philosophy concerning classroom management?" This is a key term in teacher lingo and is less charged than using the word discipline. This can keep the teacher, especially a new one from getting defensive and keeping her from hearing what you are trying to communicate.
Keep the tone as a question. I have noticed that the teacher's are more receptive to what I am saying when they feel I am just trying to be helpful than critical. If you're in the classroom anyway, offer to help her with classroom management (ie, discipline). As a new teacher, she might be relieved to get some help. Kids will always push the boundaries as far as they can and it doesn't end in grammar school. I've seen college students doing this as well.
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RE: Teaching ds to be a leader, not a follower - 9/29/2008 9:04:30 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 1751
Joined: 3/24/2008
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Thanks, this is truly becoming an enormous issue in the class. This poor (first year) teacher was given ten returning students and ten students new to the school. At least two of the students returning, I know had major discipline and/or academic issues last year. And, as excited as I was at first with the new kids - at least three or four of them are HUGE discipline issues! It seems like they set this new teacher up for failure.
The problems are mostly from the new boys - my boy's new friends. Some things have been happening in the class that do NOT make me happy at all (boils down to no discipline, they don't listen, Pokemon cards, and bad words). It's with one boy in particular - and he happens to be in ds' new class on Wednesday nights at church and now on his soccer team to boot. Good grief! Hard to tell ds to stay away from a kid who is everywhere he goes! But this little boy got him in trouble today and he told me tonight that he was going to "dump" him tomorrow and tell his other little friend he has to choose or that he wont play with him when he's with the other. I think this other boy means well just lacks some self control. My ds has more self control than most 7 year old boys, I think . . . but that's not saying much! I think he's learning from this. But I don't want him learning lessons in interpersonal skillls while his lessons in math and language suffer because the class is out of control!
One mom has scheduled a meeting with the Senior Pastor (the principal's boss) for Wednesday and wants me to go. I think I'm the only parent in the class who kinda knows the Pastor and I've already emailed him once about the situation and kinda prepping him for this meeting. I found out today she's invited about four other moms to this meeting too. I'm wondering if maybe I should go. I just don't want to see the teacher or principal thrown under the bus. I want to see this one little boy's parents brought in, for starters! But we'll see what happens.
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RE: Teaching ds to be a leader, not a follower - 9/29/2008 11:52:46 PM
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hoppersfan
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Has anyone talked with the teacher about their concerns? I would think that would be the place to start. Then, if the teacher does nothing about the discipline problem it would be appropriate to go over her head.
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Problems in ds' class. - 9/30/2008 9:40:19 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 1751
Joined: 3/24/2008
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They have/we have. And the principal. There's definitely a feeling that the principal isn't addressing the problems; I'm not sure if that's true or not. I think this is getting blown out of proportion. Now there will be several moms (and one dad) at this little meeting tomorrow morning. I really feel like this one mom is really just stirring things up - not to be spiteful or troublesome, I think she's just one of those high drama people. I regret that I've tried to be supportive of her complaints but not more blunt or proactive about reigning this in.
There are definitely problems but I think it boils down to a few uncontrollable boys. I do not at all think it would be fair to blame the teacher for that either. For a new teacher, she kinda had the deck stacked against her with this mix of kids. To some extent, that couldn't have been seen before the group got together when school started - but on the other hand, it really doesn't make sense to give one teacher ALL the new kids plus a couple of known problems from the year before. I don't think the prinicipal coming in and chewing out the whole class (my kid included along with others who are good kids who are trying to stay in line) is really doing enough. I guess I'd be reassured if I knew some of these parents were being contacted and worked with.
We'll see how this goes in the morning.
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RE: Problems in ds' class. - 10/2/2008 9:52:54 AM
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Kath
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How did the meeting go?
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RE: Problems in ds' class. - 10/2/2008 7:44:08 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 1751
Joined: 3/24/2008
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I think it went well. There were only a couple other people there besides the mom who made the appointment and myself so it wasn't a big crazy thing like I thought it was turning into. The teacher and principal both knew about the meeting and were both pretty freaked out, I think. I talked to the teacher and emailed the principal and tried to reassure them but also let them know that there are some real issues that need to be addressed and if Pastor needs to get involved for that to happen, so be it.
I felt a little bad because, at the Pastor's prompting, we really kinda laid it on the line and told him exactly who was causing the bulk of the trouble. I felt bad until today - until I found out what horribly inappropriate thing the main instigator did today. I'm over it. At least this one child needs to be removed from the class - if not the school. The bad thing today was that he got another little boy in this major major trouble with him - and he's really not usually a trouble maker. But if there was any doubt about our perspective (those of us in the meeting) or that we were making too much of something, I think that doubt was erased with this stunt today. Poor teacher had a rough day today, though. She's my main concern (after ds) - I'm afraid she's going to go crazy or just quit - I would've by now!
But she sent home a note saying that ds had made some bad choices today and had to stay in off the playground and had written us a note. The note said he was out of his seat talking to his friend and that was a bad choice and he'd never do that again and promised to obey. My children both desperately need the reigns pulled back hard right now. But I think I'm going to save this letter he wrote today and make him read it to me every morning before school as a reminder for a while. We'll see.
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