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Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 1:10:08 PM
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PreserveWildlife
Posts: 530
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From: Tennessee
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Often we think about how to get to know other people or how to get noticed and all that stuff. I've been thinking, though, about it from a different perspective. How have you been making yourself known to the people around you? Do you take the effort to make yourself knowable by others? How do you go about revealing yourself so that others know you?
I think that one reason why singles are single is that they hold themselves too tightly and won't risk making themselves known to others out of fear.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 1:42:32 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
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I think you are right, Neil. So many times, we don't risk letting ourselves be known. We don't have to tell all, but sometimes just being vulnerable is all it takes. I remember with the last guy I went out with, he would encourage me to express myself more - likes, dislikes, etc.
There are various levels of communication, from surface level to a deep, intimate level. We can let ourselves be known on a surface level, but until we become comfortable with the deepest levels of communication, we cut ourselves off from love.
Do I make myself known? On here, I've become pretty comfortable and so yes, I feel that I do. I can talk about my likes and dislikes and even my feelings. I can laugh & joke, but at the same time become serious and introspective as the need arises. However, I'm not quite so able to do that IRL, at least not with everyone.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 3:46:02 PM
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pruned
Posts: 1064
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Neil, I think you're right, too.
I know not everyone is outgoing and an extrovert, but it would help if we all could at least contribute to a conversation, occasionally. Conversation, even with strangers, is easy for me. I know it isn't easy for everyone even with those closest to them. However, how does someone like me get to know someone like that, when I am interested and ask questions, but get only one-word answers? I get discouraged; think they don't want to talk and at some point quit trying.
Maybe if we all practice more...
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 4:46:52 PM
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McFatty
Posts: 1084
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
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I don't usually hide anything, no matter where I am. I'll talk to anyone about just about anything. It's probably the actor in me, or maybe the pro-wrestler. Regardless, after getting some experience speaking and playing dead in front of crowds, embarrassment drifts away in time.
_____________________________
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” – Philippians 4:8
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 5:26:06 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1258
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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I think the primary reason that people do not make themselves known is that four letter word called f-e-a-r. Maybe people do not let them in their world because of the fear of being rejected and when a person has a season of being rejected and don't want to get to know that person, he or she would say, "Forget it, it would not be the effort anyways.
I guess when we go online, its the same thing also, because of the negative things about the net and all the bad people who appear on there.
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 5:33:12 PM
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believeinhim2
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For the most part i am a pretty outging person. I find that if there is ever a time that i hold back it's when i'm not sure how someone is going to respond to me. I believe that the main reason that people don't put themselves out there is fear. Mostly a fear of rejection. Fear that once you open yourself up and let them get to know you they won't like you.
_____________________________
~mandi~
myspace
Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation. 2 Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. Ps5:1-2
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 9:40:07 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12854
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From: west coast of FL
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I think I'm fairly easy to get to know. IRL I talk openly about my family situation and what God is doing, etc. Rejection doesn't come into play at this point in my life. There are just some people who are easier to get to know than others.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 10:31:53 PM
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utilityfielder
Posts: 12350
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From: Home of the Champions
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I am a pretty reserved person. IT takes a while to get to know me. I have been this way most of my life. I think I need to be comfortable with someone to let them get to know me.
_____________________________
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 11:33:16 PM
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pruned
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quote:
I think I need to be comfortable with someone to let them get to know me.
Can you please explain what you need from someone to be comfortable with them?
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/9/2007 11:45:30 PM
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utilityfielder
Posts: 12350
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From: Home of the Champions
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I have a speech impediment, which to be brief, I tend to rush my words out and sometimes I get hung up trying to say something. People will react differently to that. The reactions range from obvious exasperation on their part to doing nothing till I work thru it. If I see an exasperation reaction then the pressure on me increases.
If people act like nothing is happening that is when I am comfortable.
The way for me to overcome the problem is to relax and say words easily.
_____________________________
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 7:29:46 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 3976
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From: PA, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: utilityfielder
I am a pretty reserved person. IT takes a while to get to know me. I have been this way most of my life. I think I need to be comfortable with someone to let them get to know me.
This describes me too. I'm simply very introverted. What would make me comfortable? The first I can think of is time. But also there's the way you meet a person or people. My church, for example, and my home group. I'm really comfortable with them, and recently a new couple joined. There was a commonality already built in, so an instant comfort level.
_____________________________
Pam
"Sweet-talkers win at singles' bars and in politics ... often with similar outcomes for the listener."
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 8:22:59 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
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As I have stated elsewhere, I'm a person who believes that being who I really am in public is important--it's all part of living honestly. That said, that doesn't mean I "let it all hang out". Mostly because 1) I don't think that most people really care to know and 2) people can be too tempted to spread my intimate confidences around to others, usually in an exaggerated form. I try to carefully judge whether or not it's safe to share with you before I do...for your sake as well as mine.
On the other hand, I believe that it's more important to make myself a safe place for others than to expect others to be a safe place for me, and I enjoy that process very much: getting to know others and drawing them out gives me a chance to judge their "safeness" as it were, and also blesses them--almost everyone likes to talk about themselves, and I believe most people are walking around looking for a safe place to share.
besiderself
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 8:36:38 AM
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CoeurdeLeon_
Posts: 9474
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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I've tried and tried to reply to this but I'm having a lot of trouble. I think I figured out what my problem is ~
In everyday, general, non-romantic interactions, I am very knowable. Perfect strangers feel comfortable engaging in extended conversations with me. (The girlchild commented on this a few days ago at the mall. "Mom! WHY does EVERYBODY talk to you?!") My friends know they can tell me anything because I've been honest about my foibles and failings and they know I can empathize. The only things I ever hold back are those things that I simply cannot bear to talk about.
One the other hand, and this is where my trouble responding comes in, in a romantic relationship I tend to try to keep the lid on my personality to some extent. At least in the beginning. Apparently, deep down, I think if I let all of me out the outcome will be bad. Why I think that when there is so much evidence to the contrary, I don't know.
This thread definitely got me thinking about what's true and the lies I tell myself and is a confirmation of some other epiphanies occurring last week. So, thanks. 
_____________________________
This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 10:14:08 AM
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John_O
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My great problem is not making myself known in conversation etc. I'm certain most folk who know me here and in real life would be amazed if I ever did not voice my opinion on something. I'm honest and open (sometimes brutally but I'm trying to be more gentle) and do not do political correctness at all. Truly what you hear is what you get.
My great problem is getting out and gettng involved. It's hard to meet women when you're either at work or at home all the time (and my church has no eligible women in my demographic).
My town has an amateur theater group that I've been toying with joining. I've just got to get more socially active.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 10:16:07 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 3976
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: PA, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
My great problem is not making myself known in conversation etc. I'm certain most folk who know me here and in real life would be amazed if I ever did not voice my opinion on something. I'm honest and open (sometimes brutally but I'm trying to be more gentle) and do not do political correctness at all. Truly what you hear is what you get.
My great problem is getting out and gettng involved. It's hard to meet women when you're either at work or at home all the time (and my church has no eligible women in my demographic).
My town has an amateur theater group that I've been toying with joining. I've just got to get more socially active.
John, that sounds awesome for you!
_____________________________
Pam
"Sweet-talkers win at singles' bars and in politics ... often with similar outcomes for the listener."
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 10:20:00 AM
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McFatty
Posts: 1084
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
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Theater helped me a lot with opening up and overcoming my problems with speech. A couple years of college theater and I was literally a new person, socially.
_____________________________
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” – Philippians 4:8
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 1:09:55 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PamelaSue
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
My great problem is not making myself known in conversation etc. I'm certain most folk who know me here and in real life would be amazed if I ever did not voice my opinion on something. I'm honest and open (sometimes brutally but I'm trying to be more gentle) and do not do political correctness at all. Truly what you hear is what you get.
My great problem is getting out and gettng involved. It's hard to meet women when you're either at work or at home all the time (and my church has no eligible women in my demographic).
My town has an amateur theater group that I've been toying with joining. I've just got to get more socially active.
John, that sounds awesome for you!
Thanks Pam. I think it would be fun (I've got quite a bit of pork in my make up, all ham) Just need to figure out how the Girl fits in.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 1:19:47 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4180
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: D200
Often we think about how to get to know other people or how to get noticed and all that stuff. I've been thinking, though, about it from a different perspective. How have you been making yourself known to the people around you? Do you take the effort to make yourself knowable by others? How do you go about revealing yourself so that others know you?
I think that one reason why singles are single is that they hold themselves too tightly and won't risk making themselves known to others out of fear.
i think you raise a good point. i'm at the stage where i am trying to get out more and do things but am nervous to go alone. i guess it is fear. i had a partner that i did things with for a long time who was more social and that would help. still getting used to being alone. i just think some things are less fun alone so why bother doing them?
your second paragraph i see how it applies with existing friendships too. as we let go of ourselves and become more open, i see it reciprocated and deeper bonds forming.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 2:40:15 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5122
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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quote:
How have you been making yourself known to the people around you? Do you take the effort to make yourself knowable by others? How do you go about revealing yourself so that others know you? I read the OP different then most I think. To me making yourself known to another has very little to do with sharing all the details of my life.
I think I do well in making myself known because most everyone who comes into contact with me whether for a short or long season, whether we talk or they just observe, or whether they know details of my history, family, thoughts, or experiences or not.....know my heart and love for the Lord. They know my smile and my laughter. They know my posture and the things I value. They know so much more about me with out me saying a word.
Being known has less to do with what you say and share about yourself and more to do with how you live your daily life.......how you interact with others, friends or foe, how you interact with yourself, how you interact with your surroundings and how you interact with the Lord.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 4:39:13 PM
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PreserveWildlife
Posts: 530
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Tennessee
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You're on the right track. What I was thinking of did have to do with information about ourselves but was more about a state of mind and an attitude. I have always been sociable and I have always been able to talk with people. But people didn't know me. For the longest time I assumed it was because I'm, at heart, a private person. I have recently come to see that it is not the case. It was fear. If I let someone know me, really know me, they would reject me.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I won't let anyone in, no one comes in. No one comes in, I'm alone. I'm alone, so I'm, justified in not letting anyone in. I believe the key to breaking this destructive pattern is to make yourself knowable. Take the initiative. Try something radical.
For example, on Sunday I talked to a woman who used to do professional photography and who enjoyed looking at my pics. I asked her if she'd like to go out picture taking when the weather improves. She said yes. A friend goes hiking a lot. I told him that I'd like to tag along once in a while on his hikes -- he can show me where the good stuff is. He loved the idea. Another friend lives in a nearby city. I suggested he take me to a wildlife refuge nearby and he jumped on the idea.
I didn't have to do much. I just had to make my thoughts and desires known. No ulterior motive and no baggage. Some friends were planning on meeting Wednesday for dinner. I'm inviting myself (they were OK with it). I'm making myself known and available to be known.
It's a step in the right direction. If you make yourself knowable by others you realize they are human and they realize you are too. And you know what? If you're knowable then the opposite sex knows who you are and you know them. It becomes that much easier to bridge the gap. Say I talk with that woman gain about pictures? What if we do that several times? Conversations ensue and maybe I ask her out? Or maybe not. The point is that a healthy interaction was facilitated by me making myself known.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 4:56:55 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5122
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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Excellent post D200.... I need to take time to consider and ask myself questions regarding the post..........
Also great examples of the action you have taken.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 4:59:16 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
Excellent post D200.... I need to take time to consider and ask myself questions regarding the post..........
Also great examples of the action you have taken.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like to listen in on one of Joy's conversations with herself. Other times I know that it could be too scary to comprehend. 
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/10/2007 5:15:15 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5122
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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Hmmmmmmm I am sitting here wondering if I should be insulted or try to explain.......then I had a duh moment.........My conversations are not the topic of this tread.........
quote:
Often we think about how to get to know other people or how to get noticed and all that stuff. I've been thinking, though, about it from a different perspective. How have you been making yourself known to the people around you? Do you take the effort to make yourself knowable by others? How do you go about revealing yourself so that others know you?
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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