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RE: Purity Balls. - 11/8/2008 7:31:28 AM
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Sideways
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I've read articles about Purity Balls, and I agree it is a very good thing to remain a virgin till marriage, and for parents to encourage and teach their children in that effort. But the whole thing is a little to Patriarchal in some of the language I've read in the articles about it. (I can't quote short segments if you life.)
I've never heard of anything like this for boys, and yes, there is a double standard, placing way more emphasis on female virginity, and a relationship between father and daughter that would make me feel uncomfortable, personally - taking her out on dates, giving her a ring, acting as a "guard" or "covering" for her heart.
I left home shortly after graduating (on Independence Day  ), and I had/have the best parents anyone could ask for. I didn't date during high school, and I was a little behind socially, but I caught up quickly and had little trouble socializing with both genders. Actually, I had a much easier time socially in college then in high school because I was around people were all smart and wanted to learn like me.
Nobody ever asked my father for any permission once I left home, and I can tell you that my Christian husband is the only man I've ever had sex with.
That being said, I respect the fact that there are many different cultures within Christianity today, and that's what this is - a cultural thing. It's not a bad thing, and it's not the only way to raise a daughter - it's just different then how I was raised. I'm now pregnant with a daughter, and while we will have certainly rules for her when she's with us in High School - when she's on her own in college, then it's up to her. (Not that I would be paying for her way through school if she's making bad grades and shacking up with her boyfriend, but that's a whole 'nuther story.)
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RE: Purity Balls. - 11/8/2008 8:52:43 PM
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StephenJ
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Exactly what I was thinking while watching it. Why would a dad feel the need to "guard" his daughter but not do the same thing for his son? I guess it's just like how some mothers are to protective of their sons.
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RE: Purity Balls. - 11/8/2008 10:08:04 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
(I can't quote short segments if you life.)
I think you meant to say that you CAN quote short segments if he likes. Pregnancy brain?
Anyhow, I think purity balls ARE weird. Stephen, you are not the first one to come up with that ironic play on words...do a google search, and you will see people all over the net have noticed that.
As far as there not being purity balls for boys, that may be partly because young boys aren't really into dances, but I sure hope those same people ARE emphasizing the same ideal for boys. I thought I read somewhere on the internet about SOME kind of equivalent for boys, but I tried to find something on it just now, and I came up with nothing.
I do think some of the girls are way too young to even be there..I mean, they have 7 years olds there...and when I was 7 I simply thought God sent babies to people.  (And yes, my parents WERE open about sex, but it was kind of a gradual build up..I knew about the sperm and the egg, long before I knew how that sperm started hanging around in the first place...I got more of the picture by about age 12, IIRC).
Before anyone reads further...I DO THINK ABSTINENCE BEFORE MARRIAGE IS GOOD AND GODLY..however, sometimes it saddens me to see christians narrowly focus on this ONE issue..I would rather see them raise their children in a Godly manner AS A WHOLE..teaching them that they are sinners, about their need for salvation..to do justice, to love mercy, to walk humbly with their God..to love God and their fellow man, and yes, to save themselves for marriage, but to also know they will be forgiven and loved if they stumble, and that they do not want to become self righteous against those who do stumble...etc. etc.
As far as girly stuff, girls can do ballet, take etiquette classes, or even just have father/daughter balls that aren't purity balls.
Purity balls ARE weird, but I certainly don't like the other extreme of childhood beauty pageants either.
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RE: Purity Balls. - 11/9/2008 7:04:25 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3947
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
(I can't quote short segments if you life.)
I think you meant to say that you CAN quote short segments if he likes. Pregnancy brain?
Yes, I did. Sorry about that. 
quote:
(And yes, my parents WERE open about sex, but it was kind of a gradual build up..I knew about the sperm and the egg, long before I knew how that sperm started hanging around in the first place...I got more of the picture by about age 12, IIRC)
Your parents got lucky, then. Most kids these days are getting the complete picture long before 12. Actually, some studies are saying that by 14, one in five are getting first hand experience. 
quote:
Purity balls ARE weird, but I certainly don't like the other extreme of childhood beauty pageants either.
Oh, I hate those things with a passion! My parents were asked by a friend to attend one in support of the friend's daughter (she was 13). I would've refused to attend on principal.
That same article I read on Purity Balls did talk to a girl who was raised in this "ultra-pure" culture, and when she was raped, she felt like she was now dirty and unpure - basically unfit for the virgin husband God wanted for her. It was really sad to read her interview.
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RE: Purity Balls. - 11/9/2008 9:12:36 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3947
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Some churches have ceremonies where the teens, boys and girls alike, step forward to receive a purity ring and make a vow before the church. At least that seems a bit more equal and more low key then a ball like what was described.
But really, female purity has always been more important then male purity since the very beginning of history for the pure and simple reason that females can get pregnant and males can't.
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RE: Purity Balls. - 11/9/2008 12:26:46 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
But really, female purity has always been more important then male purity since the very beginning of history for the pure and simple reason that females can get pregnant and males can't.
Well, that can be "gotten away with" here on earth, but once they stand before God, God WILL hold men accountable for biological children that they never took responsibility for (and I do think when Both parents of the baby, choose to give their child up for adoption to a good home, that IS taking responsibility..so that's not who I 'm talking about-I'm talking about men who father then child, and the child is aborted or the child lives and the mother keeps the child, and the father never sees the child and/or never provides for the child financially.
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RE: Purity Balls. - 11/9/2008 1:18:00 PM
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StephenJ
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Just a thought but, maybe it was inappropriate for me to bring up that play on words. Forgive me if I offended you.
That being said I think it's really unfair to focus on female purity (even what they call emotional purity) over guys purity. Guys can be hurt emotionally too, but it seems like people act as if it's worse for a girl if she has her heart broken.
If people go through with things like this than they should do it (or something equivilant to it) for kids of both ages.
So I can't believe that nobody here suppourts the practice.
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RE: Purity Balls. - 11/9/2008 1:25:24 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3947
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Well, there are plenty of youngsters here who wear purity rings, or parents who've given their children rings. There are plenty of parents here who do not allow dating for any of their children. There are plenty of fathers here who've taken the time to develop strong relationships with all of their children.
What probably isn't supported as much is the quasi-romantic feel of these Purity Balls, and the fact that there's no male equivalent. It's just taking things a bit to far, you know?
But yes, I've read a lot of blogs from more conservative folks, and you'll see phrases like "our daughters are precious gems that need to be jealously guarded" and things like that. There is the feel that amongst the Betrothal/Courtship crowd there's more attention paid to the girl's purity. (There's a very interesting website called Courtship Stories with gives a fascinating inside look into this world.)
But I think most folks here apply purity concerns pretty equally to their male and female children.
< Message edited by Sideways -- 11/9/2008 1:36:59 PM >
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