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Problem with my neighbor - 11/2/2009 3:36:52 PM
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BJinWA
Posts: 61
Joined: 5/9/2007
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I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I have lived across the street from another couple for 20 years. There is quite a bit of age difference, so we weren't close friends, but we were always there in case we needed each other. I would look after their house when they were gone, he would help me with a sprinkler repair, etc.
Saturday I had my dog tied up in the front yard. I must have been really engrossed in the football game because my neighbor called me. He was yelling at me about my dog barking and his wife was sick and I didn't care anything about the neighborhood. In the background I could hear her yelling that I don't care anything about them. I was stammering telling them I would bring the dog in and take care of the problem, but he kept interrupting me. In exasperation, I hung up and brought the dog in.
I feel absolutely awful. Generally, I let the dog out, he does his business and then I let him in. I am currently very angry--first at myself for creating this situation by letting the dog bark and second--at them for telling me I don't care. So, yesterday i was outside working in my yard and looked at their house, he was watching me and proceeded to close his shutters. Thing is, in 20 years, I don't remember them keeping their shutters closed. (The dog was in the house).
At any rate, how do I fix this? When I tried apologizing on the phone, he wouldn't listen. Maybe a short note?? I sure would appreciate advise on this.
Thanks
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RE: Problem with my neighbor - 11/2/2009 6:04:57 PM
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coolfamily6
Posts: 656
Joined: 4/18/2005
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I would not just send a note. I would bring a batch of cookies or buy some flowers for his wife and bring them over. I would tell him exactly what you told us: that you must have gotten so into the game that you did not hear the dog and you are sorry for the oversight. That it was unitentional and it would sadden you that after all these years if it caused a rift in your friendship especially while his wife is ill. Then I would assure him that you will do your best not to let it happen again. I am sure that he is under a lot of stress and just took it out on you. His closing the blinds may have been out of his embarrassment over his reaction not to shun you. It will be hard to take the first step but he is the one with a sick spouse, go over and minister to them.
_____________________________
If your bible is a mess; your life won't be.
~Encouragement a mom gave to our children at our First Grader's Bible Ceremony!
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RE: Problem with my neighbor - 11/2/2009 6:30:42 PM
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BJinWA
Posts: 61
Joined: 5/9/2007
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Thank you cool. I think that's exactly what i need to do. I was so upset last night i could hardly sleep
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RE: Problem with my neighbor - 11/2/2009 6:45:46 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2209
Joined: 9/26/2007
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I'm sorry this happened, BJ.
Let's see what each of you did:
- my dog [was] barking (not a capitol offense!  )
- I was stammering telling them I would bring the dog in (you offered to fix it)
- I hung up and brought the dog in (you cut off the temper tantrum and you fixed the barking)
Seems reasonable to me.
- he said your dog was barking (good start - he told you the problem so you could fix it)
- his wife was sick (you didn't know that and you didn't cause that. It was good that he told you so you can help by keeping the dog quiet)
-" I didn't care anything about the neighborhood." (amazing! He knows your heart, just like God does! Oh, wait... this is where he blew it)
- I could hear her yelling that I don't care anything about them. (she does, too! Wow! Yes, I am being sarcastic. She blew it, too).
They are believing the worst about you (which is opposite of what God says to do). A minor problem occurs and they assassinate your character over it; that's not loving. His anger was probably feeding off of her anger, and she was sick and not dealing well with things; he wasn't being reasonable but just knee-jerking his emotions.
All they needed to do was tell you the dog was a bother and you bring the dog inside; done. Instead, they escalated and took great offense and caused strife in the neighborhood. Ridiculous and unbiblical.
quote:
I feel absolutely awful. Generally, I let the dog out, he does his business and then I let him in. I am currently very angry--first at myself for creating this situation by letting the dog bark and second--at them for telling me I don't care.
Your problem was minor and they made it major. They caused the bigger problem, not you. You are a kind and decent person and they are trying to frame you for a great crime against them. Now you know they are capable of doing this and can be more wary. Whether this gets fixed depends a lot on them, and right now their track record isn't so good. So back off so the emotions bleed off, then be nice and a little commiserating and don't get caught up in the guilt trap they're trying to lay on you.
quote:
So, yesterday i was outside working in my yard and looked at their house, he was watching me and proceeded to close his shutters. Thing is, in 20 years, I don't remember them keeping their shutters closed. (The dog was in the house).
They may or might not be starting a vendetta over this. It's hard for people to keep a grudge going when they are treated like nothing happened. It's theirs to fix, but you can help: give them a cooling off period and then take over some cookies. Apologize for your dog bothering them and assure them you'll be more on top of that (which you are but they need to hear it) and you hope the wife is feeling better now. Don't apologize for starting WWIII because you didn't, they did. If it's one-sided they'll probably give it up after a while.
If you won't treat it like it was a gross sin it will be hard for them to keep up the fascade. Just do little things for them (after a while) and let them reboot their emotions.
Anyway, that's what I would do. I'm reading the other posts with interest, and I think I'm just saying what CoolFamily6 already said. God bless you, Sweetie, and you can live next to me any time! 
< Message edited by deermousie -- 11/2/2009 6:53:40 PM >
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: Problem with my neighbor - 11/2/2009 9:32:28 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 1406
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coolfamily6
I would not just send a note. I would bring a batch of cookies or buy some flowers for his wife and bring them over. I would tell him exactly what you told us: that you must have gotten so into the game that you did not hear the dog and you are sorry for the oversight. That it was unitentional and it would sadden you that after all these years if it caused a rift in your friendship especially while his wife is ill. Then I would assure him that you will do your best not to let it happen again. I am sure that he is under a lot of stress and just took it out on you. His closing the blinds may have been out of his embarrassment over his reaction not to shun you. It will be hard to take the first step but he is the one with a sick spouse, go over and minister to them.
I agree completely with this..."blessed are the peacemakers".
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Problem with my neighbor - 11/2/2009 9:46:33 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 1760
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
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Yes. People behave oddly when they are sick and in discomfort. The wild accusations came out of left field at a time of stress. Go ahead and be the grace-bringer between you.
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