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Please help. - 10/24/2008 3:04:35 PM
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grivin1676
Posts: 6
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Anyone with any advice, please help.
I was raised an atheist, by parents who were raised by atheists, who were raised by atheists, who were raised by atheists, etc, etc.
I've been trying so hard within the past year to believe in and find God, and Jesus. But I can't. I just can't. I feel like I'm cursed or something. Like atheism is irreversible and that if I 'convert' it's just phony. Everytime I start to feel myself becoming impassioned with the concept of Christ or God, that feeling gets viciously shot down by my recognition of all the evil going on in the world. I just can't understand biblical inerrancy, why a merciful and loving God would allow all these horrible things to happen throughout time... medieval torture, the holocaust, genocides, people burning, innocent and defenseless children burning, being brutally raped and murdered. Even animals! Wild animals cast into the Chinese fur farms who are utterly defenseless, being bludgeoned half to death, and skinned alive, dying slowly in unfathomably excrutiating agony and pain- and they don't even have the ability to pray for mercy! Doesn't God see this? Doesn't God see these people and animals being tortured? Does he choose to let toddlers or animals or mentally retarded people suffer as punishment because they don't have the ability to worship him? When I hear people say 'God answered my prayers when my child survived cancer', I should feel happy to hear that, right? But I don't. Instead I feel sick to my stomach, thinking 'why is God so selective?' What about all the innocent little ones who have died slow and unbearably painful deaths? When they prayed for mercy, they were not given it. So, why? If he did want to 'send a message'- why would he use innocents? And wouldn't he send a message in a slightly less barbaric or painful way? Maybe, I don't know, have everyone in the jewish concentration camps shot in the head, or something, instead of burned, starved, gased, and tortured. I know these are all questions you've heard before, but they are honestly troubling me and impeding my attempt to find and love God. Nevertheless, something keeps telling me I need to find God and connect with him through Christ. I've been trying to pray, read the Bible, and reflect and meditate on it, but it's just always, like I said, shot down by some 'realization' or memory or something. I feel like if I ever do fully believe in God, I'm just going to be really really angry with him. Am I forever doomed? How do I harmonize faith and rationality? How could I possibly call God merciful, if he is merciful to some but barbaric to others? People say it's the devil who commits these acts, not God. But if God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omni-present...is it not just as evil to let the acts take place rather than stop them?
Every time I open up the Bible to read it, it just depresses me. Particularly the old testament.
I feel like I'm the one person on this Earth who is incapable of having faith in God and Christ. Maybe God put me on this Earth just to live miserably and end up in hell. I don't know. I feel so helpless. If anyone knows how I can understand God or Christ better, or maybe even accept them without understanding them (an atheist's hardest challenge) please let me know. The latter kind of sounds like 'blind faith' to me, or brainwashing. But I'm naive on the subject so maybe I've got it all wrong. I want to build faith, I really do. But having the conscience that I have, I just don't see how I can.
Thanks in advance for advice.
< Message edited by grivin1676 -- 10/24/2008 4:30:44 PM >
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 3:17:10 PM
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d4nnyb0y02
Posts: 318
Joined: 9/24/2008
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Wow, all I have to say (right now) is may the Lord bless you and keep you, and shine His light upon you. :) I'll check back later.
< Message edited by d4nnyb0y02 -- 10/24/2008 3:23:26 PM >
_____________________________
OSAS is the Gospel.
(Gal 1:6;5:4) I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel: Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 3:21:26 PM
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sparkleingsnow
Posts: 3878
Joined: 1/9/2007
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Welcome grivin1676. You ask some good questions and we will do our best to answer them. I believe the "something" inside you that is calling you to believe in God and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ is the Holy Spirit calling you.
I will try to answer some of your questions, but it will take me a little time as I want to share some scripture with you, to back up what I say. I'll post again soon.
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is
within me, bless his holy name.
Psalm 103:1
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 3:21:33 PM
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bravjim
Posts: 395
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Grivin:
What you are experiencing is called a stronghold in your mind. It is a train of thought that has been ingrained in your mind. You have been thinking one way so long, that your mind has been trained by that thinking. But you do have a choice. You can choose to believe that He exists. If it makes you feel phony, don't worry about it, just ignore it. That feeling will change as you choose to believe, and read God's word. As you think about the bible, it will begin to change the way that you think. It is called the renewing of your mind. Before anyone gets saved, they have strongholds built up in their mind. People with low self esteem have been trained by thoughts like "I am worthless, I can't do anything right; I'm such a loser; all I ever do is fail." They think it enough that they beleive it. The only way to fix it is to believe the opposite. I am worth more than I know, I can get this right if I work on it, I am not so bad, in fact I'm pretty good at this and this or this and that. I had trained my mind to believe that Jesus didn't matter, that He wouldn't change my life. It wasn't until I changed my thinking through exposure to the truth in God's word that my thinking patterns changed. Now, I know better. I know that He loves me just as I am, and He is willing to be with me through everything that I go through.
_____________________________
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfilll the lust of the flesh.
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 3:26:08 PM
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JimboFletch
Posts: 6360
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Wow, seven generations of atheists. That's kinda hard to believe. Like your motive for posting.
I try never to feed trolls...
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 3:26:23 PM
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bravjim
Posts: 395
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For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds[b], casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. 2 Cor. 10:4,5
_____________________________
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfilll the lust of the flesh.
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 3:28:45 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1981
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
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Hey grivin. 
I don't know if I'm the best guy to answer your question on here or not (if not, dont' worry... there are plenty of other more-qualified people who will jump in here. Trust me on this.  )
Just from looking at what you wrote, I would say that part of your problem is your past. You said you were raised by atheists who were raised by atheists themselves. I'm assuming that you, then, have been brought up since a very young age with the idea that God does not exist. When you've been taught that all your life, its hard to overcome it and see God as actually existing and being the merciful Lord that other Christians say He is, as well as other truths in the Bible. Its not that you aren't capable of accepting God or understanding His word. Its that you are fighting many years of having something being ingrained into you.
My best advice to you is NOT to give up. Or as Yoda says in "The Empire Strikes Back" (you have permission to call me a geek, now  ) You must unlearn what you have learned."
Keep seeking God and studying His word and eventually you WILL begin to come to understand Him more. Also, remember that many other Christians (both new and old) have questions similar to your's. Do you belong to a church? If so, ask your priest/pastor/minister if they hold any Bible study groups that you could participate in. Sometimes it helps to study the Bible with other believers so you can bounce questions off of one another, share thoughts back and forth, and ask God as a group for guidance.
I hope this helps you some. Good luck, and welcome to Crosswalk.
(edited for spelling)
< Message edited by TorchHeart -- 10/24/2008 3:34:47 PM >
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 4:10:37 PM
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grivin1676
Posts: 6
Joined: 10/24/2008
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To Jimbofletch: I really don't appreciate you calling me a 'troll', and I don't know why think so either. I needed advice so I came to what seemed like the right place to get it. Is that such a wrong thing to do? I'm sorry that I've been raised differently, I can't go back and change time, but I'm trying to change for the future, and comments like yours make it much more frustrating. Maybe my questions about God made you feel like I was 'bashing' him or something. If so, for that I apologize, and I am certainly not bashing him or trying to make anyone uncomfortable in any way. Nor am I trying to create a nuissance or 'troll' this community. I would like to know what sparked such a hostile reaction in you, though...
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 4:23:04 PM
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grivin1676
Posts: 6
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"That feeling will change as you choose to believe, and read God's word."
That's what I'm worried about, though. I'm worried that it's not a choice, but rather a natural belief. I made a 'choice' to believe in God a year ago, but even though I made that choice, it still hasn't registered. How do I force myself to truly and 'naturally' believe in him? Can you even force yourself to do something naturally? Or is that an oxymoron? I think you're definitely right about the self-esteem issue. And if the only way to break that is through building a faith in God, which I can't do because of my esteem...it just feels like a catch 22 to me. Maybe I'm rushing it.
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 4:30:59 PM
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sparkleingsnow
Posts: 3878
Joined: 1/9/2007
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First some of the questions you ask, I think we have all asked at one time or another. Some things we are just not able to understand while we are here on this earth. The Bible tells us:
1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
And:
Isaiah 55: 8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
It also tells us:
Ecclesiastes 9:11 I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
As to how you can believe in Him, you can choose too.
Ephesians 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is
within me, bless his holy name.
Psalm 103:1
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 4:43:46 PM
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sparkleingsnow
Posts: 3878
Joined: 1/9/2007
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quote:
Original: grivin1676
I made a 'choice' to believe in God a year ago, but even though I made that choice, it still hasn't registered.
What do you mean by this?
quote:
How do I force myself to truly and 'naturally' believe in him? Can you even force yourself to do something naturally? Or is that an oxymoron? I think you're definitely right about the self-esteem issue. And if the only way to break that is through building a faith in God, which I can't do because of my esteem...it just feels like a catch 22 to me. Maybe I'm rushing it.
And this? I'm not sure I understand.
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is
within me, bless his holy name.
Psalm 103:1
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 4:56:20 PM
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bravjim
Posts: 395
Joined: 10/8/2008
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Wow, this is loaded. First of all, every belief we hold is a choice, just as every action that we make is a choice. When a belief is held for a long time, it does become natural. But our sinful nature is also natural. Salvation is being saved from that natural state.
If you have chosen to believe there is a God, have you chosen to receive Him as your savior, or are you still seeking? It is an important question. The word of God is spiritually discerned, and we must be born again in spirit to discern it. Therefore, you cannot force yourself to change. If you changed your mind about there being a God, you did so by His call to you, and not by any effort that you made. God is a Spirit, and can call to our spirits to seek him out.
Do not seek to believe naturally, but rather spiritually. It is our nature that gets us into trouble, and it is His Spirit that overcomes our natural beings through His work inside of us.
quote:
ORIGINAL: grivin1676
"That feeling will change as you choose to believe, and read God's word."
That's what I'm worried about, though. I'm worried that it's not a choice, but rather a natural belief. I made a 'choice' to believe in God a year ago, but even though I made that choice, it still hasn't registered. How do I force myself to truly and 'naturally' believe in him? Can you even force yourself to do something naturally? Or is that an oxymoron? I think you're definitely right about the self-esteem issue. And if the only way to break that is through building a faith in God, which I can't do because of my esteem...it just feels like a catch 22 to me. Maybe I'm rushing it.
_____________________________
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfilll the lust of the flesh.
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 5:04:58 PM
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grivin1676
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Basically just meaning that I had been an 'apathetic atheist' up until a year ago. I didn't really 'strongly disbelieve' in god, I just didn't care. But then out of no where I just thought 'okay, I'm going to try to find God', so I started reading the Bible, and I didn't buy into anything that I was reading, but I still kept reading it and pressuring myself to try to accept it. There's something in me that keeps telling me 'this is b.s.' but I keep trying to ignore that and just continue on studying. But someone above said that whatever's making me continue my search might be a push from Christ himself, which is interesting. It just feels like I can't, for the life of me, truly believe in all of it. I don't know how to really undo that, you know? How do I use God to break down that shield if I can't even believe in God in the first place?
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 5:05:01 PM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
Wow, seven generations of atheists. That's kinda hard to believe. Like your motive for posting.
I try never to feed trolls...
ARE YOU SERIOUS?? Are we not suppose to be brothers and sisters in Christ? I really don't know where a comment like that came from, and I'm with grivin1676 on this, I would like to know why such a harsh comment? Someone having over 6,000 post under their belt, you would think one might have more knowledge than what you have just shown here to this person, or is that it, do you have knowledge without compassion and love?
Grivin1676, I would like to apologize for that harsh comment, and to assure you that there are people here who love, have compassion and will extend our hand out to you in faith as a friend. Always know, there is NOTHING too BIG for the LORD! I believe as I read in a previous post, it is deffianetly the Holy Spirit bringing you in, and He will finish what He starts!
I'm praying for you, and I'm sure many others are as well, just hang in there!
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 5:08:01 PM
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grivin1676
Posts: 6
Joined: 10/24/2008
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Hmm. Well okay that makes sense. In that case maybe it was God that made me decide to start believing in him. But then why can't I believe in the bible as well?
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 5:20:41 PM
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grivin1676
Posts: 6
Joined: 10/24/2008
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Okay that was a stupid question above, re: believing in the bible as well. Argh. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I know I should just 'shut up and accept it' but it's too hard for me to believe without at least some form of understanding.
Then again I don't understand trigonometry but it still exists and is true, apparently. I dunno. I think it's just all the evil that happens that makes me skeptical. At least that's the main thing.
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 5:34:02 PM
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misty35
Posts: 614
Joined: 9/22/2008
From: Arkansas
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Hi Grivin1676
I just have a few questions. Do you believe in Jesus Christ? If so, do you believe that He died for your sins? Im asking this, because we must believe in Christ, we have to confess our sins and ask Him to forgive us, and ask Him to come into your life, to cleanse you and ask Him for understanding of God's Word. We can advise you in the best ways that we know how, and that's what we are all here for and dont mind it at all, but it starts with you in believing in Jesus, and asking Him to come into your life. You may not feel anything at first, and thats ok, just believe and be patient, the Lord, cant and wont make a mistake. If you are truly wanting to know Him, He will reveal Himself to you, in such a way, that there will be no denying Him!
When you start to read the Word of God, before you even start, just say a simple prayer, asking Him to give you wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Always remember, we dont live by what we feel, if we did, I would be in trouble, lol. And we lean not on our own understanding, just by knowing that, we dont have to have all the answers as to why things happen, He just gives us assurance, that we are not to be shaken by anything around us.
And I thought I would share this with you because it may help you out alot. When Im reading the Word of God, I take notes, I have several notebooks, and I may take notes on prayer one day, the next maybe on faith.....and a Study Application Bible will help you out so much. It has footnotes expalining the verses.
Just let go of all the thoughts, and remember, He knows your HEART! Watch what you say, begin to speak words of faith, no words of defeat and just have a heart to heart talk with Him. He is always there! You know the topic of your thread, "Please help." Some of the best prayers start out that way.
Im praying for you.....
Misty
quote:
ORIGINAL: grivin1676
Okay that was a stupid question above, re: believing in the bible as well. Argh. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I know I should just 'shut up and accept it' but it's too hard for me to believe without at least some form of understanding.
Then again I don't understand trigonometry but it still exists and is true, apparently. I dunno. I think it's just all the evil that happens that makes me skeptical. At least that's the main thing.
_____________________________
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 6:17:53 PM
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laditricia
Posts: 23
Joined: 4/13/2008
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Dear grivin,
i was brought up by my mother (divorced) she has suffered all her life with depression, and each time she went through a bad bout she would turn in different directions to, i suppose finding her way in life though this meant her children went through all the different ways. She had us attending Protestant churches, Catholic churches, we were baptized so much she even had us baptized Mormon, i unfortunately never found a home in any of these churches i guess we never stayed long enough and i was a child at the time so I didn’t have much of a say. i also saw many of the ones who attended church but once the service was over they weren’t so Christ like, which confused me as a teen into my young adulthood.
For to many years i went my own way seeking, searching for happiness, love, contentment, etc.. etc… making up my own rules along the way. Still there always seem to be emptiness inside of me. Earlier this year i decided i needed to fill that void, so on Easter Sunday i slipped inside the Non Denominational church in my area, as i drove there i spoke aloud in my car asking for help, to please lead me in the right direction, i sat through the service and felt the tears in my eyes, tears of shame for not having come to this path long ago and tear of joy for being here.
i open the bible and on many days i feel very similar to you thinking am i a phony am i fooling myself will i ever really get it right in this life. But I keep reading and many times crying through the passages that feel so condemning, that make me feel so ashamed, only now i am beginning to feel it more of a cleansing of my soul washing out the bad that i have for too long held inside of me. When i feel those nagging pains of being a phony or that i am fooling myself i now shut that voice up reminding myself that is the evil one trying to get me to turn away to close the bible.
i have found my way home to a church i feel blessed to be a part of, i am praying more and asking God to lead me on the journey, i ask for the Holy Spirit to keep my thoughts in the right place. And yes i have good days and bad days, I stumble and fall and each time i pray for forgiveness and continue on.
i have a long way to go in becoming a mature Christian, i sometime as filled with a lot of questions, and many why’s in this life, i am learning to put my trust in God, lets see if I can remember something i recently heard… “You don’t have to climb the whole staircase at once, but take the first step”… i all i do now i pray, i pray or have conversations with God in my house, in my car, in the waiting room at the doctors, you get the idea. i hold Jesus in all my thoughts and i pray he holds on to me.
i will keep you in my prayers.
Keep reading the bible and keep asking God for his guidance in all you do.
He is the way….
_____________________________
tricia
"pour Thine words into this soul,
purify mine humbled heart"
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 6:18:34 PM
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sparkleingsnow
Posts: 3878
Joined: 1/9/2007
Status: online
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John 6:44 No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.
I agree that it is the Lord drawing you.
I suggest you read the book of John, to help you understand better who Jesus is. When you choose to ask Him into your life and be your Saviour, He will. He loves you so much He died for you.
You can even ask Him to help you believe. Did you know that?
After you have choosen to believe in Him, the Holy Spirit will help you to understand and grow as you study His word.
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is
within me, bless his holy name.
Psalm 103:1
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 6:33:00 PM
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kmangel
Posts: 437
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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Here's an idea for you that you may want to investigate. There is a program that you could see if there is one in your area called The Alpha Course. It is designed for people who are nonbelievers or new Christians unsure of their faith. It's a ten week program and it goes into the essentials of the Christian faith (videos) with small group discussions where participants can ask questions. Check on-line for a Course by going to Alphana.org. Most courses are run twice a year so there may be one about to start up in January.
_____________________________
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
--Mark Twain
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 7:00:34 PM
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His_4_Ever
Posts: 605
Joined: 10/4/2008
From: Idaho
Status: offline
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Salutations grivin1676
I don't know If I can help, but I'll give it shot. If you are feeling a tug in your heart to get to know and learn about God and Christ, then Christ must be calling out to you. God didn't create the world in one day, so I wouldn't expect your faith to grow leaps and bounds over night. All it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed. It is trust and blind-faith that guides me in my daily walk.
Yes, it is easy to point our fingers at God and blame him for the troubles of this world. We as a civilization were doomed the moment Adam and Eve became knowledgeable of worldly things. God could have prevented Adam and Eve from eating the forbidden fruit, but he gave them/us one thing we all cherish, freewill. God created a perfect world without sin, it was us humans who messed it up. During the time of Noah people were extremely wicked and sinful, in his anger God decided to remove this wicked sinfulness by wiping out all civilization, save for Noah, his family and the animals. God felt remorseful for what he did and promised not to ever wipe-out the whole human race again. He did not promise not to punish those who are wicked again. He never promised us a world free of disease, murder, adultery, etc.. If you really think about it most of the bad things in this world are man-made so to say.
There is of course the Satan factor out in world, he is the ruler of this world. He was once the most beautiful Angel in heaven, but he fell from God's grace because he wanted be elevated above God. I think he was jealous of us humans because God made us in his image, gave us souls, allowed us to reproduce and of course forgave our sins. His descent to earth brought all kinds of wickedness and disease. His main goal is to lead as many believer's away from God as he can. So, now is the time you have to have perseverance, because the harder you look for God the more he is going to try and tempt you away from the search. The bible tells us, those who seek God will find him, so don't give up. You know Mother Theresa went 50 years without feeling the presence of God and look at all the good she did in God's name.
< Message edited by campbe33 -- 10/24/2008 9:27:11 PM >
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 7:30:37 PM
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RamiRedeemed
Posts: 2628
Joined: 10/13/2008
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Hi Griv, glad you came here.
Wish I had the perfect answer for you but all I have is my own personal experience... I think we have a lot in common.
Before becoming a christian I was agnostic, for much of the same reasons that you are struggling. I too would begin to allow myself to believe but would be turned off by the trauma that goes on daily. I thought if God was so loving why is this happening, why is that happening? But I wanted to believe! I wanted to understand. I was stuck though. I didn't really know what to do but I figured what's the worst that could happen if I asked God for help? So I did, I asked Him to help me believe, to change my heart that wouldn't allow Him in and to open my mind to what He might reveal. He did. In that moment I was scared stupid, wasn't sure what to expect. But throughout the next few weeks He shared things with me about Himself...He answered my prayer for understanding.
That's been almost a year ago and to be completely honest I still don't know why all these horrible things happen but I know that the God who revealed Himself to me is gentle and loving, among many other things. Now and again I still struggle with doubt when I let my mind wander too much and as hard as it is sometimes I have to trust that God is still loving and still perfect even when I don't understand why He doesn't intervene. His ways are not my ways.
I know where you're coming from and I know it's hard. God isn't holding you back from Himself, He wants you. Talk to Him about what you're experiencing, about your fears. Just talk, ask Him to help you to understand. He hears you, may you hear Him.
I'll be praying for you.
Rami
_____________________________
Some people talk because they have something to say.
Others talk because they have to say something.
-------------------------------
ramireconciled.blogspot.com
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 7:59:00 PM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 414
Joined: 12/6/2007
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grivin, from what it looks like to me, despite your geneology (of atheists) God has FOUND THE PERSON who will change your lineage, your family history and your family's legacy  . Praise God for that! Your feelings and your questions are valid, understandable and you must know, not unique, even among christians.
A few weeks ago, I watched a talk-show where the topic was child rape in our society  including people who choose to broadcast such demonic activity(my opinion)increasingly on the internet. Now, I love God and have been a christian since I was a child, but how do you respond to such evil and heartbreak? Yeah, it's difficult to picture a loving God, arms stretched out wide, desiring our fellowship while such things are happening under His watchful eye. It's like I had to pretend like I wasn't hearing what I was or that it MUST be an exaggeration of the facts 'cause it's just hard to accept, even though, I understand that the devil and his host are operating at a frantic pace each day that Christ's return is imminent. But my relationship with God, my seeing His faithfulness in my own life, in the midst of my own heartache, tragedy and disappointment led me to pray diligently that judgement would come upon those who practice wickedness. Certainly, if I can mourn over the abuse and wickedness in our world, The One who is all love is sorely grieved! It's not that I convince myself that's true, I know it is! People question God's existence in the midst of this evil but I shudder to imagine the things that would go in in this world if THERE WAS NO GOD!!!! PERISH, PERISH THE THOUGHT!!!!
You can't force yourself to believe but I encourage you to take your thoughts, questions and feelings directly to the person you doubt. Pour out your "complaint" before God(with reverance). Tell Him how you feel. Ask Him to reveal to you things that you don't understand, to enlighten the eyes of your understanding. In fact, ask Him to reveal Himself to you, PERSONALLY! and don't be afraid.........and don't give up until He does it!!!!! You'll discover FOR YOURSELF a Loving, merciful, understanding, gracious God of wisdom. He may pour into your own heart ways in which little ol' you can be used to bring justice, love and sympathy into this cruel world because such is His heart.
God bless!
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 9:00:26 PM
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bravjim
Posts: 395
Joined: 10/8/2008
Status: offline
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Grivin:
It sounds to me like you are suffering from a hard heart. There have been several posts that might help you. I can tell you from experience that it may take some time for your heart to be broken (or softened if you like that term better). Every christian goes through a breaking of their heart. It is how God works in us, and is one of the reasons that He allows so much suffering in this world. We have to be broken in order to come to Him. I am curious as to why you decided to believe in God when you did. What led you to believe that He is? Was there some crisis that you went through? As you can see from several of the posters that relay their experience, they all experienced this breaking. It is part of what draws us to Him, and allows us to surrender our lives to Him.
Part of the problem that you are facing is you have drawn the attention of the enemy by deciding to believe in God, and he is bombarding you with all the negative thoughts of doubt that you are facing. I am sure that he started laying the groundwork for this bombardment when you was very young through your parents atheism. This may be part of the breaking of your heart that I refer to above. Like you said, you was just kind of going along, so he didn't have to worry about you. He knew you were lost. When you changed your mind, you got his attention and decided to bombard you with these doubts because he couldn't leave you alone anymore. It could mean that you have a great destiny ahead of you, but you have to get past your doubts first.
I can tell you that it all starts with faith. You seem to have some, even though you are riddled with doubts. We must first believe that He is, before we can know that He is involved in this world and in our lives. It is a step by step process. But as I said, faith is the key. Faith is believing that God is, that He is who He says He is, and will do what He says He will do. He will work to draw you into a relationship with Him as he breaks your heart to open it up to him. He will draw you to believe that His Son died for your sins and paid the price for your sins in full. God is the author and finisher of your faith, and since you have some, you can trust that it is from Him, and that He will continue to work in you to produce more and strengthen it. You can also be assured that it will happen in His timing, not yours or mine.
I want to encourage you to go through this thread and read the testimonies (stories of salvation). Go through the rest of the forums and look for other testimonies in them. I know that there is one thread called "When was the first time that you really experienced Jesus" or something like that. It is packed full of a lot of wonderful testimonies, including some of mine. I think that if you go out of general faith to all forums, there is another section dealing with testimonies as well. I recommend that you read as many as you like, because it might help you to see how God works in the lives of His children and how He calls us. You will find many different types of stories, because God's call on our lives is different for everyone. But you will see that there is almost always a breaking of the heart, and then a filling of the heart, the filling of the Holy Spirit. You will be in all of our prayers, as we pray that He will guide you lovingly into His family, and into His arms and a powerful relationship with Him.
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I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfilll the lust of the flesh.
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RE: Please help. - 10/24/2008 10:17:02 PM
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deborlie
Posts: 54
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
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Just as I am,....... I come............. He takes you as you are, from where you are.
Not one of us who are putting their hand out to you, chose to find God ourselves,
but it was God, Himself that touched us first, and it was then only then, that we desired Him. That is how God works. This is scripture based. God Himself, has opened a channel to you. You can chose to take his offer or let it go.
BELIEVE that God has chosen you and seek out what He has in mind for you. The doubts...the questions you have presently, will be delt with as you go along.
As I read your plea..... I was reminded of a program called the the 12 step program. Where we, who have found ourselves in a difficult situation, say, generations of abuse, elect to make it stop with ourselves. We will not allow that situation to continue into the next generation. It sounds as though you are presently making that step. Some one before me, suggests you try another program and for the new believer, I think that is a very good suggestion, if it is possible.
The horrible suffering in this world, is exactly why God makes Himself known to us. He lets us know there is another/better way if we trust Him. Otherwise, you, I and the rest of us would be just as hateful, murderous, self centered as what you write above. And mind you, we still are not perfect, because of the god of this world (Satan) and the fact we live in this world. we are still capable of many awful things. ...bad choices. But for God,.....go I.
It may not appear to you right now, but God cares and is doing something about these horrible things. It's called Spiritual Warfare. This is where this battle has to be fought. It's not before 'our' eyes, as we see it presently, but it is very real, and His love for us
(all His creation) is the reason He fights this battle.
Each of us have our different, but valid ways of explaning and sharing our love for Him, and our good wishes for you.
You have been offered the hand of Christian love.
It's our way, .....can be yours too.
We hope you are sincere in your quest,
and believe you'll find your way and will find true peace and happiness in your new experience.
Only you can provide how the story of your future goes..........
Wishing you true peace.
BJ
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