I need advice on breaking up a relationship that isn't healthy
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I need advice on breaking up a relationship that isn't ... - 11/3/2008 11:08:47 AM
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twice_shy71
Posts: 7
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Will you please help me? PLEASE?
I don't want to see a man I was dating anymore. I find myself constantly tied in knots and I think we both just have too many issues and we aren't healthy for each other, and I'm tired of hurting. I think if this isn't going to lead to a healthy marriage its best to just end the dating relationship.
I really want it to be over. He doesn't. I told him I want no further contact. I had to change my email because he was flooding my mail. He's also sent me about 30+ handwritten letters, unwanted gifts. that I sent back. He's tried being emotionally manipulative (feigning sickness to make me feel guilty, claiming to be suicidal because I'm leaving him...) I'm trying to ignore the voice mails and delete them but he sends my friends to cry to me for him. I'm going crazy. I wouldn't call him a "stalker" because I don't think he wants to hurt me. He hurts. But he's definitely a pain in the keester. I hate to sound heartless, but how hard is it to break up with someone? I've never known anyone like this. Now he is flooding my voicemails. I put his ring on a silent ring but I can't figure out how to block a number on verizon wireless. I just want him to understand its really over. He keeps writing corny love poems to me, writing one entry after another about me on his public blog (with my real name mind you) and talks to all our friends and acquaintances about me nonstop, (The whole world knows all my skeletons now. ). He leaves these voicemails where he is crying and bawling. He's making this awful hard. What should I do to really make this end? I feel like he's drawing this out way more than normal or necessary. I know he might THINK he loved me but he's dysfunctional and needy and I can't deal with all his issues. Help? How do I make it really END! What is the KINDEST way to break up with this guy and make it be over for real? Is there something I should do to allow him closure or should I just refuse to respond to any more? I don't like hurting people, I really don't think we're good for each other. He's suffocatingly needy. I don't know what to do. Please advise what is the best way to handle this situation?
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/3/2008 1:26:07 PM
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StephenJ
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It sounds like you need to sit him down and explain why you don't like the things he's doing. Direct confrontation seems like the best path rather than the indirect methods of blocking his phone calls, and sending his letters back.
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Rock on!
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/3/2008 2:10:36 PM
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rayofson
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It's long past looking for the kindest way to take care of this. It's time to send Guido to talk to him. 
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Please don't feed the Ogre.
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/3/2008 9:03:30 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: twice_shy71
Help? How do I make it really END! What is the KINDEST way to break up with this guy and make it be over for real? Is there something I should do to allow him closure or should I just refuse to respond to any more? I don't like hurting people, I really don't think we're good for each other. He's suffocatingly needy. I don't know what to do. Please advise what is the best way to handle this situation?
There's your problem right there. "Kindest". By trying to spare his feelings you are encouraging him to keep trying to win you back, and thus causing more pain to him in the long run.
Be brutal. From what you've told us his behavior qualifies as "stalker" in most jurisdictions. Tell him to either stop it entirely or you will get a restraining order against him and see him put in jail.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/3/2008 11:53:53 PM
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twice_shy71
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Thank you, all of you who answered. I really appreciate hearing this advice from other gentlemen's point of views. I am taking all of the advice to heart. Thanks very much.
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/7/2008 12:21:06 PM
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tomhillbilly
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hi you said you told him you didnt want any further contact. from the rest of your postings you seem to have a kind heart. are you saying that you have exhausted the "nice gal" approach and that this gentleman just wont let go? tom
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/7/2008 5:59:08 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 349
Joined: 4/20/2005
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Hello twice_shy71
Lady, you do have a real problem. This guy needs a heep of counseling and probably some good old fashioned deliverance. He does need help in a big way. And the only source that's successful is Jesus Christ. So, you need to diplomatically steer him to get some help.
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/8/2008 12:21:18 PM
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rayofson
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quote:
This guy needs a heep of counseling and probably some good old fashioned deliverance.
Like the movie? 
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Please don't feed the Ogre.
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/10/2008 5:26:01 AM
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lightbeamrider
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No means no, it does not mean negotiation. According to a guest who appeared on Oprah about men who control. If initially, he does not respond to ur ''no'' then u should ask urself...why is he trying to control me? U need help from outside sources as indicated above for this fellow is not going to give up.
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/11/2008 11:51:04 AM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 467
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From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
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One thing you should do if you haven't is explain the reason behind the breakup. I assume you told him more than just, "I want no further contact."
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/12/2008 6:23:38 PM
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twice_shy71
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Just thought I'd give an update. Those of you who predicted I had a bigger problem than I perceived were absolutely correct.
I think from now on this needs to be in the hands of law enforcement. Thanks everyone. Please pray for me and my family, and for him as well.
peace.
< Message edited by twice_shy71 -- 11/12/2008 6:35:31 PM >
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RE: I need advice on breaking up a relationship that is... - 11/13/2008 11:29:44 AM
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rayofson
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This has gone waaaaaay past time to be "nice". I find that many young Christians mistake "being nice" for "brotherly love". This guy won't know the difference, it's time to grow a back bone and call law enforcement.
