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I am curious about something. - 11/1/2008 6:06:45 PM
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kellybelly
Posts: 8
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline
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Hey Guys,
This is my first post, so, here it goes.
My roommate is going out with an older guy tonight. (He's a little over 40, though he is in real good shape. They have been "seeing" each other for about three weeks now.) She asked him the first couple of times, but now he is doing the asking. She's going to be 23 next month, but told him she was 25. I am 25 and have been out of college now for a couple of years, but I she just graduated, and is still, well, she hasn't been on her own very long, and can be just a little immature (but, she hides it well from the guys she meets.) It just makes me wonder, how much could they have in common? I am 25, but when a 40 year old guy was 20, I was only 5, and I don't think it was the same back then as it is now. It just seems weird to me.
My question is:
Have you ever dated someone who was a lot younger than you? and if you did, did it bother you that you have a chasm, in terms of real life experience, between you?
I hope you don't mind if I ask the next one. Do you go because it makes you feel younger? This guy could be her father, I don't know, I just don't get it.
The funny thing is, when she's around me and our friends, she acts much different than when he's around. But when he's with us too, she acts very different. I don't even know who she is. I wonder what he will do when he gets to know the "real" person. (Which, by the way, is a great girl, just very different than how she is with him.)
Thank you for anyone who answers. I hope I have not stepped on any toes.
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/1/2008 6:24:15 PM
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LoyalGypsy
Posts: 2492
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kellybelly
Hey Guys,
This is my first post, so, here it goes.
My roommate is going out with an older guy tonight. (He's a little over 40, though he is in real good shape. They have been "seeing" each other for about three weeks now.) She asked him the first couple of times, but now he is doing the asking. She's going to be 23 next month, but told him she was 25. I am 25 and have been out of college now for a couple of years, but I she just graduated, and is still, well, she hasn't been on her own very long, and can be just a little immature (but, she hides it well from the guys she meets.) It just makes me wonder, how much could they have in common? I am 25, but when a 40 year old guy was 20, I was only 5, and I don't think it was the same back then as it is now. It just seems weird to me.
My question is:
Have you ever dated someone who was a lot younger than you? and if you did, did it bother you that you have a chasm, in terms of real life experience, between you?
I hope you don't mind if I ask the next one. Do you go because it makes you feel younger? This guy could be her father, I don't know, I just don't get it.
The funny thing is, when she's around me and our friends, she acts much different than when he's around. But when he's with us too, she acts very different. I don't even know who she is. I wonder what he will do when he gets to know the "real" person. (Which, by the way, is a great girl, just very different than how she is with him.)
Thank you for anyone who answers. I hope I have not stepped on any toes.
Greetings
I was the lover of a women back when…. who came out of a relationship with a man who was an alcoholic, when we split up ….she went and found herself another alcoholic..
….Even though she does not drink
It’s called dependency…. And dependency works in opposite ways also…..and it seems the answer you may be looking for… is already seen in what you mentioned
here
quote:
she hasn't been on her own very long, and can be just… “a little immature”… (but, she hides it well from the guys she meets.)
So the older man is making up… for the lack of “her immaturity”… and that attraction is seen in older men
LG
_____________________________
Ex 19:5 Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My voice
...So the Persians ask that the 300 drop their arms. Leonidas responds; "Persians! Come and get them!"
300 The Movie
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/1/2008 6:34:52 PM
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kellybelly
Posts: 8
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline
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Thank you for answering Loyal Gypsy, but I'm not understanding what you are trying to say. Are you saying because she is young and beautiful (like most of us young women  ), he doesn't care about not relating to her on a personal level?
That seems rather shallow. Do you think he is fooling himself into thinking they can share on a deeper level (meaning, be able to enjoy time together because of common interest and common backgrounds, like you would with someone who lived duing the same time period you have)? Or does he just not care about that, meaning he might be interested in more of the physical than really being able to bond?
Woundn't that mean he is using her? (Even though she asked first?) I don't know.
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/1/2008 8:54:54 PM
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novitiate
Posts: 92
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline
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I think we need to be mindful that we don't draw a wide brush and lump everyone into the conclusions that are drawn. For your situation in particular a variety of explanations could apply. Was the young lady in question raised with a loving father or one present at all? Has she exhibited an attraction in the past for more mature friends and partners? Is it possible that he simply relates to her in a manner that you cannot comprehend? Also, the change in her behavior is quite normal. Is your behavior identical when in the presence of family, important persons, etc. Keep in mind they are still in the getting to know you phase.
Regardless of the opinions shared, in the end only the two parties involved really know why they are doing this. I personally do not date older men at all. However, I find an aspect of my personality really resonates with them and attracts them. I'm on the other end of the spectrum and I prefer them a few years younger. But this is based upon my lack of dating experience and the balance seems more comfortable for me. I do not think that everyone that opts to test the boundaries in this way is suffering from an issue or hidden fantasy. It is merely a preference that some are unwilling to put aside.
_____________________________
God took my deficits and made them my offering.
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/1/2008 11:57:26 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Well you know the old saying "marry them young and raise them up the way you want them" 
You didn't mention if your roommate is a Christian or not. If she's not, then I assume the guy is not and the reason he's dating her is for the sex.
If she is and he is then I haven't a clue what's going on. I can see going 15 years younger than I am (that would be a 32 year old) as someone in their thirties has lived enough to be grown up (no offense intended to the 20 somethings) and be able to relate to someone older.
I can't imagine that a college kid and a 40 year old would have anything in common.
I've never dated anyone that much younger than me. I probably wouldn't. I'd be incredibly flattered but the odds of overcoming the generation gap well enough to build a marriage are insurmountable.
I feel young regardless of whom I'm dating. (That is, if I could find someone fitting to date)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/2/2008 1:31:19 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1512
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kellybelly
Hey Guys,
This is my first post, so, here it goes.
My roommate is going out with an older guy tonight. (He's a little over 40, though he is in real good shape. They have been "seeing" each other for about three weeks now.) She asked him the first couple of times, but now he is doing the asking. She's going to be 23 next month, but told him she was 25. I am 25 and have been out of college now for a couple of years, but I she just graduated, and is still, well, she hasn't been on her own very long, and can be just a little immature (but, she hides it well from the guys she meets.) It just makes me wonder, how much could they have in common? I am 25, but when a 40 year old guy was 20, I was only 5, and I don't think it was the same back then as it is now. It just seems weird to me.
My question is:
Have you ever dated someone who was a lot younger than you? and if you did, did it bother you that you have a chasm, in terms of real life experience, between you?
I hope you don't mind if I ask the next one. Do you go because it makes you feel younger? This guy could be her father, I don't know, I just don't get it.
The funny thing is, when she's around me and our friends, she acts much different than when he's around. But when he's with us too, she acts very different. I don't even know who she is. I wonder what he will do when he gets to know the "real" person. (Which, by the way, is a great girl, just very different than how she is with him.)
Thank you for anyone who answers. I hope I have not stepped on any toes.
Have you ever dated someone who was a lot younger than you? No.
Do you go because it makes you feel younger? I would not date someone I was told was 15 years younger than me (actual 17) because it makes me feel anything at all.
I'm praying you can find some wisdom out of it all for yourself, and that you are not soon without a roommate.
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/2/2008 9:50:06 AM
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mrtigger
Posts: 321
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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When I was 19, I dated a 16 year old. That's as much age gap as I ever had during dating...
There are some couples with large age differences that work out well. And if it does, there is nothing wrong with it. However, I think it is generally unhealthy for marriages to have more than about 5 to 10 years difference between the two.
I think the motivations of a much older guy and younger woman are often not very good. The woman is often seeking financial security or a father figure. And the guy is often letting the ego strokes of being attractive to a much younger woman affect his judgement. Or maybe he is trying to recapture his youth. If those are the main things attracting the two, I think that is a poor basis for marriage.
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mr tigger
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/2/2008 10:39:45 AM
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twinkly
Posts: 406
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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see my thread here called "why do men do this?"
I think a lot of these answers are the actual truth on you thread and would be very fitting for my thread if those answers had been mentioned there.
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Our bodies are the temple of the Lord, let us starting treating them as such!
Come and join the 2009 BODY REVIVAL thread!
http://forums.crosswalk.com/fb.aspx?m=4073599
The Body Revival recipe thread is in the "Home and Garden" forum
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/2/2008 11:32:48 AM
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APZR
Posts: 960
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: twinkly
see my thread here called "why do men do this?"
I think a lot of these answers are the actual truth on you thread and would be very fitting for my thread if those answers had been mentioned there.
That's exactly what I was thinking... Deja Vu all over again.
BTW, my personal opinion is that while young, any age difference more than 10 years will doom the relationship. 20... 40, just too many differences in maturity.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: I am curious about something. - 11/3/2008 3:28:48 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 4161
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
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Actually no relationship is doomed if both approach it from the standpoint that God is God, He meant what he said in the Bible, we should absolutely follow it, and that all close relationships need to be worked on; the closer, the more work required. Age difference only means more things to work on.
I have never been in a relationship with anyone other than my wife (proposed on the 2nd date) and we are about a year and a half apart. My mom married a guy 11 years older. My best friend's parents had a 20 year gap; he was a ww1 vet and she worked state dept in ww2. They had a great marriage.
It could be as Gypsy said, she is dealing with maturity issues by dating him; or it could be she is working thru unresolved "daddy" issues with him. Neither is really healthy, but they are not insurmountable.
As to why an older man would be attracted to a younger woman; having the interest of a 20 something (or even a 30 or 40 something at my age) would be a trememdous boost to the ego. Its the "I still got IT" thing, still able to attract a young pretty woman.
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