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[Poll]
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Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family?
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| Yes, it is my responsiblity to make the decisions. |
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| No, my wife and I lead together. |
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| No, my wife is in charge. |
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| I have no idea. |
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| I am unsure. |
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| I am not married, but want to co-lead with my wife. |
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Total Votes : 21
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(last vote on : 11/19/2009 10:19:22 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/23/2009 12:50:07 AM
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cynthia
Posts: 6994
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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My husband and I were having a discussion about what men think about family leadership. My husband believes that most Christian men want an equal partner. I’m not so sure. I think that most Christian men think they are responsible to lead their wife and the family.
As a man what do you think you should do?
This is not a theological discussion. That is for the one-stop thread. This is a poll to see how a group of men on FCN answer the poll questions. Please tell me whether you think you ought to be in charge or you want an equal partner. There is no in-between answer. Absolutely no debate is allow due to the tos. I want to keep this thread up, so let's stick to the topic. I don't want to know what your reasoning is behind your belief. I only want to know where you stand on the poll questions.
** If you believe in taking into account what your wife says before you make a decision; aka: final say, that is the man in charge scenario, since it is the man who has the decision making power.
In order to make the poll easier to understand, I made a change from: "Yes it is my responsibility to be the family leader" to "Yes, it is my responsiblity to make the decisions." See the paragraph above about final say.
< Message edited by cynthia -- 10/23/2009 10:50:20 AM >
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/23/2009 8:22:09 AM
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McFatty
Posts: 879
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
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I voted number one, though it's purely a hypothetical at this point in my life.
_____________________________
"O LORD, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life." - Lamentations 3:58
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/23/2009 10:23:17 AM
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ajlewis
Posts: 117
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: State of Confusion
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You have to decide what leadership means for you. I don't view leadership as ruling with an iron fist. I don't feel I have a "gift" for leadership. I basically want help. I would want a partner who is willing to pitch in. When issues come up, for me it has to a consensus between the two of us as to what's right. But at the same time I have my own boundaries and such. And so would she.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/25/2009 10:25:12 PM
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APZR
Posts: 1064
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
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The premise of your question disturbs me. Therefore, I can not vote. I am the head of household, but am not "in charge" of anyone. I make 99% of the smaller financial decisions, but the whole family (kids included) help in making major or potentially life changing decisions. I do not dictate how things get done, but do let my expectations be known and set desired parameters. Then I step back and let everyone use their own skills and brain power to get the job done. If my wife does not like an idea, or thinks a financial decision will put our finances in jeopardy, I expect her to say so. I do NOT want noodle back family members, and do NOT want to TELL them what we will do, where we will live, etc. I want input, and for us as a family to make weighted decisions. It's easier to be a leader if the family members are in agreement to proceed with a new vision.
< Message edited by APZR -- 10/25/2009 10:32:06 PM >
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/25/2009 10:35:59 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6994
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: APZR
The premise of your question disturbs me. Therefore, I can not vote. I am the head of household, but am not "in charge" of anyone. I make 99% of the smaller financial decisions, but the whole family (kids included) help in making major or potentially life changing decisions. I do not dictate how things get done, but do let my expectations be known and set desired parameters. Then I step back and let everyone use their own skills and brain power to get the job done. If my wife does not like an idea, or thinks a financial decision will put our finances in jeopardy, I expect her to say so. I do NOT want noodle back family members, and do NOT want to TELL them what we will do, where we will live, etc. I want input, and for us as a family to make weighted decisions. It's easier to be a leader if the family members are in agreement to proceed with a new vision.
Thank you for your input. I am wondering what head of household means to you, if you don't think it fits with any of the poll responses.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 8:25:41 AM
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McFatty
Posts: 879
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
Status: offline
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To me, the head of the household means that, once I get married, it would be my responsibility to take the wisdom of God and apply it to the everyday lives of my family. To me the man, the head of the household is who God set aside to lead the family. A good leader, of course, gathers input from those he leads and always has the best interests of those he leads before himself. The husband is to love his wife the same way Christ loves the church. Not an iron fist or a power-trip position by any means!
_____________________________
"O LORD, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life." - Lamentations 3:58
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 9:37:47 AM
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APZR
Posts: 1064
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: McFatty
A good leader, of course, gathers input from those he leads and always has the best interests of those he leads before himself.
Exactly.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 2:42:59 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6994
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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Okay, thank you for that explanation.
This is not a debate question, but only for clarification of what you mean. Should the wife also have those qualities and be a leader of the family equal to her husband?
< Message edited by cynthia -- 10/26/2009 2:49:15 PM >
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 7:02:49 PM
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McFatty
Posts: 879
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
Status: offline
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I don't think so. I think God has ordained the man to be the patriarch of the family.
_____________________________
"O LORD, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life." - Lamentations 3:58
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 7:16:36 PM
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APZR
Posts: 1064
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
Status: offline
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The wife definitely needs leadership qualities, she is in charge of making the house a home and filling it with love. Rearing kids, directing house hands, shopping, and maybe even managing the personal finances is a big job that needs a solid leader. The husband is the protector, handles all repairs, maintenance, and business affairs to bring home the $$$ so she can buy the bacon. It's more like a dance, they both have to take cues from each other, but the husband is the leader. He's the CEO, she's next in line as the CFO.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 7:25:47 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 4576
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
My husband and I were having a discussion about what men think about family leadership. My husband believes that most Christian men want an equal partner. I’m not so sure. I think that most Christian men think they are responsible to lead their wife and the family.
As a man what do you think you should do?
This is not a theological discussion. That is for the one-stop thread. This is a poll to see how a group of men on FCN answer the poll questions. Please tell me whether you think you ought to be in charge or you want an equal partner. There is no in-between answer. Absolutely no debate is allow due to the tos. I want to keep this thread up, so let's stick to the topic. I don't want to know what your reasoning is behind your belief. I only want to know where you stand on the poll questions.
** If you believe in taking into account what your wife says before you make a decision; aka: final say, that is the man in charge scenario, since it is the man who has the decision making power.
In order to make the poll easier to understand, I made a change from: "Yes it is my responsibility to be the family leader" to "Yes, it is my responsiblity to make the decisions." See the paragraph above about final say.
I voted for 2, but the biblical answer really is a combination of 1 and 2. Leadership that is just about being "the boss" is a reflection of the curse in Genesis 3:16 i.e. "he will rule over you."; however, a christian husband that takes seriously his God given responsibility to lead his family will put the needs and desires of his wife ahead of his own, he will listen to her input, and encourage her to lead with him because he understands that they should truly be one.
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אשת־חיל מי ימצא ורחק מפנינים מכרה
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 7:27:23 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6994
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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Thank you. Those are very good explainations on your points of view.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 8:55:20 PM
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McFatty
Posts: 879
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
Status: offline
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It's definitely a combination. I'm not saying that a man's wife shouldn't have any charges or leadership roles in the household. But the question was whether the husband and wife should lead equally, and I don't see that based on Scripture, considering that the relationship of the husband and the wife is analogized to the relationship between Christ and the church.
_____________________________
"O LORD, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life." - Lamentations 3:58
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 9:50:54 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 8038
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
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When there's a conflict between a man and wife over the way the family is run, who is to have the last word? The more mature one should, which in our case is the the man, which is why I voted the way I did.
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We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 9:53:50 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6994
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: McFatty
It's definitely a combination. I'm not saying that a man's wife shouldn't have any charges or leadership roles in the household. But the question was whether the husband and wife should lead equally, and I don't see that based on Scripture, considering that the relationship of the husband and the wife is analogized to the relationship between Christ and the church.
Apparently there is a problem with run time errors as my post got lost in space.
I do understand what you are saying and have studied this issue extensively for at least ten years and all I can say is that my husband and I do not agree with you. I told my husband that I thought most Christian men believe it is their responsiblity to lead the wife and the family, but he thought that was odd, so I started this thread to see what other men would say. We cannot go into the whys of our opinion on this matter or it will be closed down and shipped to the one stop thread. This is a very narrowly determined thread in order to be able to find out how other Christian men (besides my husband) feel about this, but not why. When we get into discussing that part of it, it crosses the line.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 10:03:22 PM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 470
Status: offline
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McFatty is on the right track, for me.
I didn't vote either because it concerned me what you mean by "in charge".
Leadership within a Christian marriage is a servant leadership.
I am a huperetes.
I hope that my wife-to-be will take leading in the house. But, on the larger family issues, the final decision should come from me, and the responsibility with it, after discussing and getting support or understanding of disagreements from my wife.
We all delegate certain decisions, which is also possible in marriage.
When the man makes no decisions, and takes no leadership, and the children, wife & husband even friends view the wife/mother as the final authority on everything, then there is a problem.
< Message edited by jhuperetes -- 10/26/2009 10:13:11 PM >
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/26/2009 11:19:52 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 4576
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
We cannot go into the whys of our opinion on this matter or it will be closed down and shipped to the one stop thread. This is a very narrowly determined thread in order to be able to find out how other Christian men (besides my husband) feel about this, but not why. When we get into discussing that part of it, it crosses the line.
It would be interesting to here the "WHY's" of your views, why not post them in the other thread.
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אשת־חיל מי ימצא ורחק מפנינים מכרה
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/27/2009 10:46:47 AM
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cynthia
Posts: 6994
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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For the purposes of the poll, "in charge" includes final say, so feel free to vote for "Yes, it is my responsibility to make the decisions." If the husband has final say, then he is ultimately in charge of making the decisions. If you don't like the term "in charge" perhaps "responsible for" is easier to vote for.
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
We cannot go into the whys of our opinion on this matter or it will be closed down and shipped to the one stop thread. This is a very narrowly determined thread in order to be able to find out how other Christian men (besides my husband) feel about this, but not why. When we get into discussing that part of it, it crosses the line.
It would be interesting to here the "WHY's" of your views, why not post them in the other thread.
Because I do not want to get into a debate and I do not have time for the lengthy discussion. I'm really just interested in where other Christian men stand on this issue, because my husband was curious.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/27/2009 4:39:06 PM
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McFatty
Posts: 879
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
quote:
ORIGINAL: McFatty
It's definitely a combination. I'm not saying that a man's wife shouldn't have any charges or leadership roles in the household. But the question was whether the husband and wife should lead equally, and I don't see that based on Scripture, considering that the relationship of the husband and the wife is analogized to the relationship between Christ and the church.
Apparently there is a problem with run time errors as my post got lost in space.
I do understand what you are saying and have studied this issue extensively for at least ten years and all I can say is that my husband and I do not agree with you. I told my husband that I thought most Christian men believe it is their responsiblity to lead the wife and the family, but he thought that was odd, so I started this thread to see what other men would say. We cannot go into the whys of our opinion on this matter or it will be closed down and shipped to the one stop thread. This is a very narrowly determined thread in order to be able to find out how other Christian men (besides my husband) feel about this, but not why. When we get into discussing that part of it, it crosses the line.
That's fair... I just thought it as important to back up my vote with reasons. I wasn't trying to start a debate.
_____________________________
"O LORD, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life." - Lamentations 3:58
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/31/2009 8:55:46 PM
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KaptZ
Posts: 155
Joined: 10/28/2009
From: The swamps of Jersey
Status: offline
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Team effort. Wouldn't have it any other way.
Besides, the looks I'd get if I said, "I'll lead this family!" 
Not to mention the objects thrown at my head!
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RE: Do You Want To Be In Charge of Your Wife and Family? - 10/31/2009 10:11:45 PM
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dnp200450
Posts: 397
Joined: 5/30/2009
Status: offline
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I vote for the co-lead option.
The reason why is that I will be better at certain things than she will. She will be better at certain things than I will. The biggest reason though is if I were to dye she has to be competent and have enough leadership ability to handle the household.
When I was a kid a remember there were two widows in the church who's husbands died suddenly. They had to be taught how to write checks, shop for a car, deal with contractors, handle college financial aid, etc. These were dysfunctional adult women that had to learn from scratch AND deal with the loss of their husbands. I don't know how long I will live. Hope the best but prepare for the worst.
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