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Do I Take Her Seriously? - 11/1/2009 8:16:49 PM
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highcaliburfun
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/1/2009
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Hi everyone.
I have a very interesting situation going on here, but first of all, let me introduce myself since I'm new to the forums.
*Introduction*
My name is "HighCaliburFun," I'm 21 years old and I live in a small town in southern Indiana. I just recently came to Christ in Feb of 2009 and I live my life day in and day out for him. During this time, I have constantly prayed to him for two things. First off, that he would bring me a suitable wife that Also follows Christ, and secondly help me pursue a Military, more specifically, a Army Career. These are the only things I would ask for during my time here on Earth.
*The Main Post*
I have been working at a local movie theater for about two years now. During that time I have came across my fair share of datable young women, but none have ever seemed quite right... There has however, been one that seems to pop in and out of my life at will. She started working at the theater about a year after I started working there. When she came in for her first day, I was the one chosen to help train her on everything that it is we do at the theater. I showed her how to do the concession stand, the box office, cleaning theaters... everything, you name it! During that time it became quite obvious to me that she appeared to be enjoying my company. So much so that she was constantly smiling at me and even asking me personal questions when we had downtime. I never really thought much about it at that time.
Through out this last year, I have noticed her doing similar things to me again. She always acts really flirty and goofy around me. Most people would automatically assume that she has a "crush" on me, but I found reason to not believe that. She always seemed to do it in spurts. She would go for months not doing anything of the sort, to going back and doing it again. Its a rinse and repeat cycle.
Everything seems to have changed recently though. I went into work about a week ago, not really expecting much to happen outside of a normal day of work, that was... until she walked in. She was about to unleash a series of events on me. I was out and about cleaning theaters, and when I came back to the back room, one of the other employees claimed that she was out front (in the concession area) writing "Me+Her forever" in a bunch od dumped popcorn salt on the counter. I kinda just laughed it off and didn't believe it until she walked back and showed me the picture she took of it on her phone. I then thought to myself, "surely she doesn't really mean that." I figured she was just goofing off and being her normal silly self. She then decided to take it a step further and proceeded to ask me for a picture of myself on her phone. I answered "sure, why not?" She then stated that she was going to label it, "Love of my life." I just kinda laughed, but on the inside I was thinking... "Wow, this is getting strange." I then went out and proceeded with my job. I came back to the back room about twenty minutes later only to have more "information" dropped on me. She unofficially declared that we were "dating." She did this out of the blue moon, and left me highly confused, because I couldn't tell if her intentions were serious or jokingly. For the time, I just kinda played along and rolled with this idea for the rest of the day from a joking stand point. Before she left though, she grabbed this random small piece of cardboard from a old straw box, and then proceeded to write something something on it in a secretive manner. Every time I asked her what she was doing she would just smile at me and turn the other way. After she was done with it she then handed it to me and demanded that I read it, in her normal goofy manner. What I found on it was what I suspected it to be, a "love note." She even went as far as cutting out this little paper heart and taping it on it as well. In that note, she declared how "madly" in love she was with me, and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Naturally, I became highly confused again, and almost scared in a since. I could not legitimately tell whether she meant this to be serious or not. After that, she left before I could even proceed to talk to her anymore.
Again, many people would tell me "Its pretty obvious what's going on here, why are you even questioning it?!?!?!" --- But I had my doughts for what I think is good reasons. The main reason I always never thought much about it was because of the "Rinse and Repeat" process I mentioned earlier. It would seem to me that if she was truly interested in me, that she would of kept it up, and made it a lot more obvious earlier on that she was interested. I also feel this way because of more recent actions. She never seems to attempt to contact me all that much anymore. The only way I can ever get her to talk to me is if I start a conversation with her, ether on Facebook, texts, etc... Although I find it funny that she still carrys out the whole "dating" thing when I do get ahold of her. I would figure again, if she was truly interested that she would start conversations with me more often...
This whole time, I haven't been entirely sure what to make of this situation. I don't know weather I should act on this, or just let it go. What do you all think? I would really like to get a woman's opinion on this, because all the rest of them have been from guy friends.
Thanks for any advice! :)
< Message edited by highcaliburfun -- 11/1/2009 8:33:14 PM >
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RE: Do I Take Her Seriously? - 11/1/2009 9:00:21 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8165
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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In all of this, you haven't said whether or not she's a Christian. So, is she?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: Do I Take Her Seriously? - 11/1/2009 9:50:04 PM
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highcaliburfun
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/1/2009
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To answer your all's question, Yes, She is a Christian.
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RE: Do I Take Her Seriously? - 11/2/2009 2:42:16 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 2216
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito
I echo the post above mine: is she a Christian?
Honestly, though, aside from that, she seems to be acting more like a 14 year old than someone in (I assume) her late teens/early 20's. She seems a bit... unbalanced to me. Someone who is talking about "forever" and being "madly in love" and all that without even having dated the guy once is acting very immaturely at best, obsessive at worst.
But maybe that's just me. 
Well, if it is just you, you have my company, too. 
This young lady is socially inappropriate and she's messing with your feelings and your reputation, Highcaliburfun. She's trouble.
Were she my daughter, I'd be very unhappy that she's making a fool of herself with a guy and acting so unbecomingly. A Christian lady should be practicing a balanced life with modesty, working on her education and job and getting on with her life, not throwing herself at a guy she hardly knows. If she's doing this now, what kind of behavior will she be exhibiting a year from now?
If she starts taking off any clothing, run like Joseph from Potiphar's wife!
And even if she doesn't, she's still not wife material.
Here's the checklist my husband and I wrote up to "vet" a guy who might be interested in our godly, marriageable daughter. I've changed it to fit a woman:
- Does she have a reputation as a godly woman with her pastor and other mature Christians who've known her for years? Does she get in to her Bible daily, act on what she learns there and deal with her sin quickly? Is she free of
habitual or besetting sin? Does she let her understanding that God loves
people drive her to love people, too? Has she kept all the promises and vows
she's made?
- Does she have the skills and knowledge necessary for marriage - leadership
skills, conflict resolution skills, social skills, life skills, financial
skills and knowledge, knowledge of how marriage works, and a fairly good
idea of how the opposite sex's mind works,? Or, is she willing and determined
to become so (and willing to wait until she's got a good handle on it before
getting involved)? Is she finished with her education and have domestic and
childcare skills? Does she understand biblical submission and practice it with her parents if she is underage? Does she seek her parents' advice if an adult?
- Is she emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually healthy, or willing
and determined to become so (and willing to wait until she's got it before
marrying)? This is key: is she teachable?
- Is she available? (no previous relationships that still have an emotional
or legal hold on her, either in God's eyes or the law's eyes)
Which boils down to:
Is she godly?
Is she ready?
Is she healthy?
Is she available?
This gal doesn't sound like her understanding of God and Scripture is driving her getting to know you - it sounds like her fantasy/sex drive is driving her advances to an inexperienced guy she thinks she can fool and hopefully ensnare. I think she's barking up the wrong tree and you've already noticed something is very wrong. Trust your gut and wait for a wonderful girl instead.
Were you my son, I'd advise you to put as much distance between you and her as possible. She's not marriage material, she's worldliness looking for easy prey. She can get you into a lot of trouble with the crazy stuff she's doing, and she could bring false charges against you and people would be swayed by her history of being crazy about you and blame you for it. Run!
Sheesh. Most new Christians get the cultists knocking at their door; you get a inappropriate girl tempting you instead. Flee temptation, per 2 Timothy 2:22:
Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
I suspect this girl has a major problem with purity. It's for another woman to work with her on it; ministries always have women work with women and men work with men. Pray for her and keep your distance. When she talks this stuff to you, tell her you're not interested. Be polite but frosty/distant. Give her no more personal information and don't sit down and talk to her.
I'd talk to your boss and complain that this girl is coming on to you when you aren't interested and you feel your good name is at risk. Establish with them that this is happening and you aren't causing it. It could save your neck later. She is possibly sexually harassing you and you could get in trouble instead of her. Ask to be put on a different shift than hers. Consider getting a new job. Really.
And talk to your pastor about this; it's his job to help God's flock and he can give you excellent advice.
God bless you, Highcaliburfun. Welcome to God's family and your own taste of spiritual warfare. Stay pure, stay safe; this will pass. I'm praying for you tonight!
< Message edited by deermousie -- 11/2/2009 2:49:40 AM >
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: Do I Take Her Seriously? - 11/2/2009 7:43:36 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 2216
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: highcaliburfun
I have been working at a local movie theater for about two years now. During that time I have came across my fair share of datable young women, but none have ever seemed quite right...
Sorry, I meant to comment on this (like I haven't written a book already - sorry I'm so long-winded!): as Christians we are told to not be unequally yoked. That means, when you want to plow a cornfield you don't yoke an ox up to a race horse. It doesn't work out. As Christians we are to marry only other Christians.
The reason is, Christians are fellowshipping with God and moving towards Him, and nonChristians hate/are indifferent to God and are moving away from Him. You can't walk with a person when they're going the other way.
So if you can't marry a nonChristian, there's no point in dating one, either.
You may want to consider courting instead of dating, too; a lot of Christians are courting these days rather than dating. I wish I had. There are as many definitions as there are people doing it, but check out the concept.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: Do I Take Her Seriously? - 11/2/2009 3:50:41 PM
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BelleWeather
Posts: 708
Joined: 7/29/2009
From: New York City
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Dearmousie is very wise and knows of what she speaks.
Walk away from this young woman.
< Message edited by BelleWeather -- 11/2/2009 3:57:17 PM >
_____________________________
We think we fathom the depths
when we are just skimming the surface with our finger.
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RE: Do I Take Her Seriously? - 11/2/2009 5:38:33 PM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 839
Joined: 5/29/2008
From: A bit north of the Big Chicken
Status: offline
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She may be just very immature or socially inept. Either way you've gotten enough red flags to warrant keeping a distance. If you truly want to know exactly where she stands then get her alone and ask her. Don't go along with her "playful" games but be honest and straight foward. The manner in which she handles direct conversations may give you a better hint at her true feelings.
She is acting as if she is still 13 and passing a note to a boy she likes: do you like me, check the box: yes or no.
_____________________________
Allison
A work in progress so please be patient, God is still working on me. Ouch, it sure is painful!
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RE: Do I Take Her Seriously? - 11/2/2009 5:47:01 PM
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highcaliburfun
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/1/2009
Status: offline
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I appreciate everyone's responses, and I have to say... I wish I recognized everything you all just told me earlier on in this whole situation. Now I feel like a sucker for letting her get this far on me. lol I am a lot more cautious of her and her motives now.
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